Many couples find the excitement of sex somewhat diminished within a few years of marriage. Their physical intimacy seems somehow perfunctory, unimaginative, even boring. Soon they are moving through life with regular sexual encounters but little connection. Some years on, even the regular sex may become less frequent and sometimes entirely absent.
One way that couples can actively build connection and re-establish the excitement of sexual anticipation is through the ‘Connect Kiss’. This simple practice takes a mere 20 seconds a day: ten in the morning and ten in the evening. Using the rhythm of a typical workday, couples can use the beginning of their day apart and their reunion at day’s end as an opportunity to connect through a ten second kiss. That’s all it is. A ten second kiss twice a day.
Seems ridiculously simple, but the power of the Connect Kiss is substantial. Here’s why. Firstly, kissing is known to stimulate the release of neurotransmitters associated with wellbeing and pleasure. It also stimulates the production of testosterone – the hormone responsible for sex drive. Thus kissing can directly and positively influence our feelings for each other.
Moreover, a Connect Kiss before departure, reframes our labour: no longer is it simply each of us pursuing individual careers, but us labouring in support of our marriage and family. Adulterous flirtation and day-long marital resentment are far less likely when we separate on the positive reminder of the other’s tenderness just a few hours before.
A Connect Kiss on reunion helps us transition from a day of independence to interconnection. It sets the tone for our time in each other’s presence bringing our focus intently onto each other. It establishes the sexual atmosphere in the home that makes marriage delightful rather than arduous, our physical intimacy exciting rather than routine.
So there it is: 20 seconds a day for a radically improved relationship. Even the busiest of couples can manage to Connect Kiss!
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Francine & Byron Pirola are the founders and principal authors of the SmartLoving series. They are passionate about living Catholic marriage to the full and helping couples reach their marital potential. They have been married since 1988 and have five children.
Their articles may be reproduced for non commercial purposes with appropriate acknowledgement and back links.