Communication
Hear Me, Touch Me, Know Me
In relationships, the word ‘intimacy’ is often used as a euphemism for sex, but this is a very narrow and impoverished view. Some people have suggested that the meaning is better encapsulated through its sounds: “in-to-me-see” better captures the idea that intimacy involves the knowledge of the interior life of each other. In any relationship,…
Read MoreThree Ways to a Resilient Marriage
We’ve been hearing from many of our SmartLoving leaders around the world looking for help in supporting couples under stress. There’s certainly lots of stress going around with pandemic induced changes and uncertainty. It got us reflecting on marital resilience – the ability of a relationship to endure and persevere through difficulties. There is quite…
Read MoreStonewalling: A Silent Killer in Marriage
Stonewalling – aka ‘the silent treatment’ – is common in many marriages. Never helpful and poorly understood, we ignore it at our risk. Stonewalling is the practice of withdrawing from an interaction, shutting down and closing ourselves off from the other. We may be physically still present, but we become un-responsive, emotionally withdrawn, and non-communicative.…
Read MoreDefending our hearts
Is defensiveness crippling your relationship? Do you feel regularly on edge, reactive and punchy? Read on for our process for managing defensiveness. Recently, Byron shared a new idea with Francine. Instead of encouragement, Francine responded with “when will you get time to do that?!” The conversation immediately terminated in gloomy withdrawal. Afterwards we unpacked the…
Read MoreKiss to Connect
Many couples find the excitement of sex somewhat diminished within a few years of marriage. Their physical intimacy seems somehow perfunctory, unimaginative, even boring. Soon they are moving through life with regular sexual encounters but little connection. Some years on, even the regular sex may become less frequent and sometimes entirely absent. One way that…
Read MoreCriticism: the not-so-silent killer
Criticism kills. It undermines our confidence and corrodes relationship trust. In relationship research, it is identified as one of four destructive relationship habits. We’ve all experienced the negative impact of criticism, especially from loved ones. Sadly, it’s been present in our marriage and family far too often. Most of our criticism originates in a complaint.…
Read MoreSoftly Spoken Wins the Heart
“Honey, we need to talk!” Every spouse knows that what follows will be an uncomfortable conversation – one that will likely be bruising if not outright hurtful. Yet, having a difficult conversation is sometimes necessary. All couples need to be able to maturely address issues ranging from selfishness, neglect, or simple differences of opinion. So…
Read MoreThe Power of Why
Our three-year-old granddaughter has entered the ‘why’ stage. Parents everywhere know exactly what this is… the endless rounds of ‘but why?’ dialogue. Sometimes, she just doesn’t like the answer to why she may not have a second piece of cake. Like the parable of the lazy judge, perhaps she can compel a more favourable response…
Read MoreFrustrated Marriage
Frustrated in your marriage? Four ideas to ease the pain. Over the past decade, we’ve frequently had frustrated husbands or wives approach us for help. Their marriage was in trouble, but their spouse was unwilling, or unable, to participate in one of the marriage courses we offered. This led us to create the BreakThrough course…
Read MoreThe Science, Art and Spirit of Communication
Communication is fundamental to our relationships and the flourishing of families. If we want to do it well, there is a science, art and spirit to communication. We all like to think of ourselves as good communicators. Unfortunately, what that usually means is: I have lots to say and I’m not afraid to say it!…
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