Communication
Newly Married and Already at Risk
Why do some marriages unravel within a decade? We have a personal stake in the question – three of our own children are newly married – but there’s a bigger reason too: research suggests that what eventually breaks a marriage often takes root in the first five years. Long before a marriage formally ends,…
Read MoreThe Art of Apology
· Have you ever experienced the situation when someone has apologised but, while the words were said it lacked something, making it difficult for you to accept it? Sadly, most of us are not as good at apologising as we need to be. We think that it’s obvious, should just be instinctual, or that our…
Read MoreListening is the Music of Love
One of the most supremely loving gestures we can give another person is to truly listen to them. Yet for most of us, being genuinely listened to is a rare experience. Why is something so simple so hard to give? We remember those early romance days so clearly. Living in two different cities, we relied…
Read MoreThe Honey-Do List Standoff
How do you get your husband to do the household jobs you really care about? How to do you get your wife to stop nagging and micromanaging? These are questions to which almost every couple across the globe can relate; the never completed ‘To Do list’ wives prepare for their ‘honey’ on the…
Read MoreEchoes from Childhood
Unpacking the hidden ways our earliest bonds influence love and trust in our adult relationships. One of the most powerful topics in the SmartLoving Engaged course addresses formation in our family of origin. The family is where we first encounter love and learn to relate with others. That’s why the Church calls the family “a…
Read MoreFrom Complaint to Request
The Unforeseen Truth While deep down we really love each other, all couples inevitably have ‘complaints’ about their spouse. They can be as simple as annoying habits, inconsistent behaviour and frustrating personality traits. Often, the very characteristics that first attracted us become the most infuriating ones of all. You fall in love with his sense…
Read MoreEmbracing Hope in Our Marriage
Letting go of EXPECTATIONS opens us to God’s grace. Like most couples, we stood at the altar on our wedding day with hearts full of dreams of what our married life would bring. We imagined a partnership filled with effortless harmony, where our spouse intuitively anticipated our every need. But as the years…
Read MoreThe Other Sex
Language Matters For years, advocates of inclusive language have been steadily drawing our attention to the clumsy use of language which can alienate various ethnic groups or religious adherents, the elderly, the young, the disabled, the poor, or even whole sexes. Why? Because language is more than just about communicating our thoughts effectively. Language…
Read MoreThe BS Detector
Mind Over Matter ‘Mind Reading’ is one of those clairvoyant arts that seems to elude us when it comes to marriage. Too often we make the mistake of assuming that our spouse knows what we need without communicating clearly about it. How many times have we, or our spouse, declared in exasperation to the…
Read MorePositive Thinking
Capitalise on the Positive Most marriage counselling and education focuses on conflict and incompatibility. It seeks to help couples find constructive ways of dealing with challenges in the relationship. It’s a kind of ‘damage control’ approach that seeks to minimize the impact of negative experiences. One of the strategies for couples that is often…
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