Myths about Arguments

When it comes to marriage and relationship, there are a lot of myths out there. Here are five of the most common. Myth 1: Good couples don’t argue. The presence or absence of arguments is not a good indicator of the health of a marriage. Some couples who don’t argue are living detached, parallel lives.…

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Be My Valen-time!

Insufficient time together is one of the biggest contributors to relationship breakdown. Whether our relationship is flying or sinking, time together is like a balm, healing the bumps and bruises of life and stimulating our feelings of affection and tenderness. And with Valentines’ Day approaching, it’s the perfect opportunity to give the gift of time.…

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What Women Really Want

Part 2 of the Quest for Happiness Series If equality in work isn’t the answer for making happy wives (see Smart Loving, The Equality Myth), what is? According to the same study that looked at the division of labour*, the best predictor of marital satisfaction among wives was emotional connection. ‘Emotion work’, as psychologists call…

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Windows of the Soul

A useful framework for developing our Emotional Intelligence, The Johari Window, helps us visualise how we can expand our self-awareness and deepen our intimacy. Picture a four-paned window that represents you. Within the window is everything that is known and unknown about you. It includes factual information such as your age, sex, which school you…

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One Again

Adopt a structured Reconciliation Process Because you are not at your best when you have been hurt, it is wise to have a formal process that you have agreed on in advance. You can reconcile using the Stop-Reflect-Connect & L.I.F.E. tools together. Step 1: Stop! Separate. When you’re hurt, it’s easy to say hurtful things…

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Name It & Tame It

Once you have named your formation, you are in a position to tame it – to consciously choose to reinforce that formation which is helpful and constructive, or to change the formation that is problematic for you. There are three common patterns of problem formation: Incompatible Expectations arise as a result of the differences in…

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Reconciliation

Love means more tha saying “I’m sorry”   There’s a difference between the ‘I’ centred statement “I’m sorry”, and the other centred statement, “Will you forgive me?” The ‘I’ centred statement simply acknowledges a fact. A person might recognise that they behaved poorly, inconsiderately, insensitively, thoughtlessly or carelessly. They might also just want to move…

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Restoring Unity

Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun set on your anger. Ephesians 4:26 Reconciliation and healing can be a great source of growth and grace in a couple’s relationship. Reconciliation teaches couples how to be more sensitive to the other’s feelings and needs and how to love the other more effectively.…

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Seven Deadly Habits

Research by Dr. John Gottman and others has helped us to understand the specific behaviours which are so deadly for marriages. He is able to predict with high degree of accuracy whether a couple will divorce, by the way they argue.* You’ll want to avoid these Seven Deadly Habits that characterise marriages headed for bust.

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Conflict

What distinguishes couples in lasting marriages from those in more fragile ones, is not the absence of arguments, but the presence of respect and cherishment. When couples fight, what hurts is not the fact that their spouse disagrees with them, it is the contempt and indifference with which it is often packaged. Contempt – the…

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