Change Starts Here

Part 4 of It Takes One to Tango. See others in this series here, here. and here. All change in our relationships should start with ourselves. While it’s comforting to be able to blame our spouse for the inadequacies of our marriage, expecting them to change to meet our demands is not only ineffective, it’s not…

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Natural Fertility

True love cannot be contained; it always gives life in some form. For most couples, this will result in the biological birth of a child. For others, it will be expressed in a shared effort to generously give of their time and talents to others. Love gives Life When we love someone deeply, we want…

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Kiss to Connect

Many couples find the excitement of sex somewhat diminished within a few years of marriage. Their physical intimacy seems somehow perfunctory, unimaginative, even boring. Soon they are moving through life with regular sexual encounters but little connection. Some years on, even the regular sex may become less frequent and sometimes entirely absent. One way that…

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Romantic Love: Feeling or Choice?

From Hollywood to Cleo, the cultural representations of Romantic Love are clear: it’s a spontaneous feeling of attraction and affection for another. And like all feelings, we don’t choose it: it’s something that just happens to us. We spontaneously ‘fall’ into love and we are powerless to prevent it. To be sure when it strikes,…

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Do Something Different

Part 5 of It Takes One to Tango Too often people don’t think or act ‘sanely’ when it comes to their marriage problems. Picture this common scenario: a wife is frustrated that her husband doesn’t help more around the house. She nags and badgers him but it doesn’t inspire him to step up and be…

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Making the Connection…with Arguments

Neither of us likes it when we disagree, yet we’ve had more than a few in our 28 years of marriage – some of them leading to horrible arguments. When disagreements descend into arguments, they usually become hurtful and unproductive, leaving us feeling bitter and exhausted. But are arguments all bad, or always harmful? Many…

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Quit Brooding!

Part 2 of It Takes One to Tango You are dissatisfied with your marriage. Your spouse may or may not share your disillusionment. Your spouse may or may not be willing to work with you towards a more loving, intimate connection. But without him/her, there’s not a lot you can do to improve your situation,…

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Be My Valen-time!

Insufficient time together is one of the biggest contributors to relationship breakdown. Whether our relationship is flying or sinking, time together is like a balm, healing the bumps and bruises of life and stimulating our feelings of affection and tenderness. And with Valentines’ Day approaching, it’s the perfect opportunity to give the gift of time.…

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The Marriage Myth

Part 5 in the Quest for Happiness Series Too many times have we heard the complaint – “I’m just not happy in this marriage anymore”.  For couples today, personal happiness has become the measure of whether a marriage is ‘working’. The mass media and our romantic fantasies conspire to convince us that we have a…

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What is Happiness Anyway?

Part 4 in the Quest for Happiness Series Speaking of what makes a wife or husband happy (see SmartLoving The Equality Myth, What Women Really Want & What do Men Want?) perhaps we should look at what happiness is and more importantly, whether it really is the ultimate goal. ‘Happiness’ should be distinguished from ‘joy’.…

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