The Gift of #staretime

A corporate leader in India recently made headlines by suggesting his employees should work a 90-hour week, quipping, “What do you do sitting at home? How long can you stare at your wife, how long can the wife stare at her husband?” 

His remarks sparked quite the reaction, with some couples posting photos of themselves “staring” at their spouses and dubbing Sunday as “#stareday”.  

While the executive’s comments were meant to promote productivity, they inadvertently highlighted something profound about marriage: the immeasurable value of simply being present with our spouse. 

As marriage educators, we often hear couples lament about not having enough time together. Between work demands, children’s activities, and life’s constant urgencies, quality time can feel like an ever-elusive luxury.  

Yet this “stare time” – those precious moments when we can simply be present with our spouse – isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s essential for building and maintaining a strong marriage. 

Relationship Capital 

Consider what happens in those unstructured moments together, when we slow down enough to really see each other – we create space for connection, for really knowing and being known.  

Maybe it’s sharing a slow cup of coffee in the morning or taking an evening walk together. These moments might seem unproductive by workplace standards, but they’re generating something invaluable: relationship capital. 

Just as financial capital gives us resources to invest and grow, relationship capital gives us emotional resources to draw upon when life gets challenging. Every moment of genuine connection, every shared laugh, every quiet “stare” builds up this reserve.  

And here’s the beautiful paradox – the more we invest in our marriage, the more we have to give to others, including our workplaces. 

Research consistently shows that people in strong marriages tend to be more resilient, more productive, and more engaged in their communities. When we feel secure in our primary relationship, we have greater capacity to handle work stress, to mentor others, to volunteer, to be present for our children.  

Far from making us less productive, quality time with our spouse makes us better contributors to society. 

Think about it: when we’re running on empty in our marriage, everything feels harder. Work challenges seem more overwhelming, we have less patience with colleagues, we’re more likely to burn out.  

But when our marriage is strong, we bring our best selves to work. We have more emotional resources to deal with difficult situations, more creativity for problem-solving, more energy for collaboration. 

So perhaps instead of seeing couple time as competing with work time, we should see it as essential infrastructure for sustainable productivity. Just as rest makes us more effective than working non-stop, investing time in our marriage makes us more effective in all areas of life. 

#staretime 

Eye contact is an important way for us to attune to each other. It signals that the other has our attention, and that we are open to connection. 

One very practical way to build in more #staretime, is to create screen-free zones in our day where we can be present without distraction. Digital devices have become an essential part of modern life, but we need to be intentional about limiting them. 

The reality is that we can’t give our full attention to another if our eyes are fixed on a screen interacting with someone or something else. If we want to nourish our relationship, we need to be disciplined about managing the digital distractions. 

Remember, the goal isn’t to literally stare at each other all day (though a loving gaze now and then certainly doesn’t hurt!). The goal is to create space for genuine connection, to build that relationship capital that enriches not just our marriage but all aspects of our life. 

So the next time work threatens to encroach on your couple time, remember this: investing in your marriage isn’t just good for you and your spouse – it’s good for everyone around you. Those moments of “staring” at each other might just be the most productive thing you do all week.