SL Column
God is close to the lonely
Towards the end of July we celebrate World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. This year (2024) the theme is loneliness and references Ps 71:9 “Do not cast me off in my old age”. Loneliness is defined as ‘a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack (or loss) of companionship’. It’s different to ‘aloneness’ which describes ‘the…
Read MoreThe Art of Apology
Have you ever experienced the situation when someone has apologised but, while the words were said it lacked something, making it difficult for you to accept it? Sadly, most of us are not as good at apologising as we need to be. We think that it’s obvious, should just be instinctual, or that our love…
Read MoreWhen I am winning, WE are usually losing
“You can either be right, or you can be one, but you can’t be both”. Our mentors were talking to us about a frustrating argument, and we were both digging in. They were right, of course, but we struggled to put it into practice. It would not be the last time either. Like just this…
Read MoreProtesting Against Disconnection
Have you ever had an argument and been left wondering what it was actually about? We can remember a number of occasions where we dug in and defended our opinion with great vigor, only to find ourselves twenty minutes later losing track of what we were defending. Somehow, the original point of disagreement – which…
Read MoreRelational Entropy and what to do about it
It’s the second law of thermodynamics and we use the term regularly in ordinary conversation. But what does entropy have to do with relationships? Entropy is defined as “a process of degradation or running down, or a trend to disorder”. In thermodynamics, there’s this idea that in order to resist, or reverse, the effects of…
Read MoreAttached – for better or worse
According to search analytics, one of our most popular blog posts explores attachment styles in marriage. That’s because our attachment style profoundly impacts the way we relate to each other. Incorporating insights from neuroplasticity, genetics and parental nurturing experiences, Attachment Theory illuminates underlying causes of disruptive relationship behaviours in marriage. It posits that the kind…
Read MoreA Little Restraint Goes a Long Way
It happens all the time – one of us does or says something and it triggers a harsh reaction. To break the habit of reactivity, try this mindfulness tool to develop the virtue of restraint. While often associated with Buddhist meditation, Mindfulness has in fact been a feature of many religions under different names, including…
Read MoreExperience is not always the best teacher
Lots of people think that dating (and being sexually intimate) with a number of different people before marriage is an essential part of forming a successful union. But is this kind of ‘experience’ the best way to prepare for marriage? Many people think that having a few failed relationships is helpful in preparing them (or…
Read MoreAre we outliving marriage?
We’ve heard it said many times – you probably have as well – it goes like this. “People live so much longer these days, it’s unreasonable to expect a marriage to last all their life.” It’s certainly true that life expectancy has increased in recent generations in many countries. For our grandparents (born at the…
Read MoreRomance and Mystery
One of the things that makes a new romance so exciting and attractive is the element of uncertainty: Is this person really interested in me? Will this person really be the one I’ve longed for? We can all relate to the thrill of the start-up relationship where the other is essentially still a stranger and…
Read More