Conversations with your spouse
ReflectSeparately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions.
Write some notes so that you can share more fully with your spouse.
Marriage is wonderful.
You have brought the two of us together.
I realize, Father, that the delight of our marriage,
the level of closeness we are able to achieve with one another
is very much determined by our level of communication.
Help me to be better at this, to be more open to my spouse.
Jesus is asking this of You for me. Amen.
In this exercise we will be looking at communications of personhood and identifying ways in which each of us measure the quality of our inter-personal communication as a sign of how well we are building our relationship. First, there is an explanation of different levels of communication – A – E. Use those to help you answer the personal questions that follow.
A. What have you been talking about with your spouse?
1. Take a few minutes now and reflect on the topics you have talked about with your spouse over the past 2 days.
2. Write down the topics of conversation.
B. There are many levels of communication. As we go through the various levels identify which level of communication
you were using for each of the topics you listed. Write a (1) next to the topic for the first level, a (2) the second level, etc.
Here are the levels:
A. Talk about things not related to either of us.
a. Weather, TV programs , news of world.
b. Cliches: “How was your day today?” “What did you do today?” (We don’t really want to know the answers or
have only a passing interest.)
B. Talk about others.
b. News and information about friends. (Maria Acitelli is getting married. John just bought a new car.)
C. Talk about things about myself.
a. What happened to me at work today.
b. My shopping trip with my mother last Saturday. (Where we went, what we bought, what we spent, the crowd)
c. The telephone conversation I had with someone else.
d. The fight I had with one of our children.
D. Talk about things about you, reaching out beyond myself a bit.
a. A compliment about something worn or a job well done.
b. Discussion about an interest of yours.
E. Talk about things about us–discuss ideas and judgments.
a. When we are together the time flies by quickly. I really enjoy your company because you have such a great
sense of humor.
b. I like to go shopping with you because you make decisions quickly and we don’t waste a lot of time in the store.
c. I find it difficult to get along with you, lately. I’m not sure whose fault it is, but when we are together doing______,
I’m very uncomfortable and up tight.
The quality of our communications is high when we can talk about “us-topics,” in the present moment, and share our feelings. Our relationships will grow and deepen when we have someone with whom we can share and be shared with.
1. What have you talked about in the last 48 hours to your spouse?
Topic Discussed – Rate Level A – E
2. Write a letter to your spouse in which you share your current feelings about a topic you know is of strong
mutual interest; one you have avoided because you don’t know how it would be received by your spouse.
3. How did I feel as I wrote this letter?