Smart Dating #4: You Are What You Do


Almost everyone aspires to a happy, life-long marriage. Surveys across different cultures and various age groups all point to the predominant desire for a loving and stable family life shared with a partner with whom one can work as a team for the good of the family.

And why wouldn’t we? We all know that even the most high powered career or glamorous social life is no substitute for the rewards of a life-long, passionate love affair. An interesting part of this universal aspiration is how we see ourselves. Intuitively, we know that a good wife or husband is one who is dedicated to their spouse, romantic and tender, patient and caring with the children, hardworking and energetic, faithful and fun loving.

Seeing Through Rose-Coloured Glasses

In our mental pictures, we envision ourselves at our very best, thriving in the atmosphere of love. Yet few of us translate that glorious vision into the ‘here and now’ and let it influence the way we conduct our lives in the present. For example, emotional maturity and self-mastery are seen as desirable qualities in a future spouse, yet many singles do not practice these virtues in their personal life but rather live indulgently and selfishly. And again, while almost everyone values sexual exclusivity in marriage, many freely engage in sex with several partners before marriage, expecting that fidelity will be spontaneous after the wedding day.

We understand that our health, fitness and career success are outcomes resulting from a life-time of thoughtful actions, but somehow we seem to forget that this principle equally applies to our relationships. A successful marriage is not something that is created on the wedding day which unfolds spontaneously before the couple. Successful marriages are consciously created by two dedicated people of character who each work to make themselves better lovers.
And most of them started the process well before their wedding day. In their teenage years and single life, they were already developing the personal qualities needed to form lasting love-bonds. So give some thought to the kind of person you are becoming and take action now to develop the qualities that will help you create the marriage for which you long.

Discern the Right Path


Francine & Byron Pirola

Francine & Byron Pirola are the founders and principal authors of the SmartLoving series. They are passionate about living Catholic marriage to the full and helping couples reach their marital potential. They have been married since 1988 and have five children. Their articles may be reproduced for non commercial purposes with appropriate acknowledgement and back links. For Media Enquiries Please Contact us here

Comment Policy

We love to hear your stories and ideas. Please keep your comments respectful, your suggestions productive and published under your own name. More info here

Leave a Comment