What are Love Busters and Love Builders?
Love Builders: a behaviour or gesture which communicates love to you and helps you feel close and connected to your spouse.
- Caring for me, being tender and gentle with me
- Being of service to me, doing things for me that I enjoy
- Nurturing me, doting on me
- Affirming my attractiveness
- Being considerate and thoughtful, giving way to my preference
- Being protective of me
- Self-sacrificing to save me from an unpleasant task or reality
- Listening to me, being interested in my inner life
- Trusting me with your feelings and inner thoughts, being emotionally open
- Being truthful and honest with me
- Providing materially for me
- Touching me affectionately, hugs and kisses
- Expressing appreciation for me
- Acknowledging the sacrifices I make for the sake of our future
- Admiring me, especially in front of others (particularly my friends of the same sex)
- Affirming my strength in body and character
- Trusting my judgment
- Allowing me to initiate and be the leader, being willing to follow me
- Expressing your desire to be close to me sexually
- Doing things together, recreational companionship
- Taking care of your appearance, dressing to please me
- Giving me time to do the things I like to do
- Supporting me domestically, with house work, child care etc.
- Showing an interest in the things that I value
Love Busters: a behaviour pattern or action which actively undermines your sense of being loved and destroys your trust in your spouse.
- Lying to me or withholding information from me
- Breaking promises, being unreliable
- Being emotionally distant or closed, withdrawing emotionally from me
- Not consulting me when making decisions or disregarding my preferences
- Conveying that I am just being ‘tolerated’, that my feelings are not important
- Not talking with me, ignoring me or getting impatient with me when I’m talking
- Organising me, making commitments for me without consultation
- Criticising me, especially in the presence of ………..
- ‘Servicing’ me sexually, not enjoying being physically close to me
- Nagging me, reminding me of the things I said I’d do
- Being indifferent to, or not noticing, the sacrifices I make for us
- Letting your physical appearance go, dressing in unappealing ways
- Teasing me, especially in front of ………….
- Making negative judgments about me, jumping to conclusions about my motives
- Not trusting that I love you or am committed to you
- Not trusting my judgment, questioning my decisions
- Not spending time with me doing things I enjoy
- Spending a lot of time with your friends