Sex or Nothing?
Kissing is highly under-rated in our culture. Since the sexual revolution, sex has come to dominate romantic relationships and dominate our thinking about what it means to be sexually intimate. Even married couples of more traditional values, where sex is confined to within marriage, can fall victim to this sex-or-nothing thinking about their physical relationship.
A Little Affection Goes a Long Way
When sex becomes the dominant expression of our affection for each other, we not only lose affection from the rest of our lives, we are also more likely to get less sex. Affectionate touch without the expectation of immediately proceeding to sex, helps women in particular to feel loved and connected to their husbands. It also helps husbands to keep the destructive impact of performance pressure in balance. This facilitates a couple’s emotional intimacy, making them both more receptive to sexual intimacy.
Kiss To Connect
This is one reason why sex therapists often prescribe ‘kissing sessions’ for couples who present with sexual difficulties or complain of emotionally unsatisfying sex. Kissing is very sensual. It is deeply personal. But if a formal kissing session seems too demanding, try a ‘Connect Kiss’: Spend a full 10 seconds giving each other a kiss before you part for the day. Make it a kiss that says, “I’m really going to miss you”. Then spend another full 10 seconds in a ‘lip-lock’ when you regroup; when you’ve been running to everyone else’s agenda all day long, the connect kiss refocuses your attention and reminds you of how much you mean to each other.