Declining Divorces: A Cause for Celebration?
Exploring the trends and what they mean for our relationships and families
Recently published data on marriage and divorce in Australia have caught media attention: according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, the crude divorce rate has dropped to 2.3 per 1,000 residents (2023). Like trends in USA and other developed nations, it’s been trending downward over the past two decades and is at an all-time low since legal reforms in 1976.
On the surface, it feels like a win for stability in our homes and communities, but there is more going on for us to consider.
The Numbers and What They Miss
At first, this decline seems like good news – fewer families breaking apart, more couples weathering the storms. Yet, we have to keep in mind that marriage rates are also tumbling. In 2023, the crude marriage rate was 5.5 per 1,000 adults, and it too has been trending down since 1970 when it was 13.
Meanwhile, de facto relationships and cohabitation are on the rise. 83% of couples now live together before tying the knot, compared to just 23% back in 1979.
These informal unions aren’t captured in divorce statistics, which means the true rate of relationship breakdowns might not be declining as much as it appears.
And here’s the reality – it still hurts! Relationship heartbreak doesn’t discriminate by legal status. Whether it’s a marriage, a de facto partnership, or even a shorter cohabitation, breakups cause deep pain and impacting our emotional well-being and challenging our faith.
Equal opportunity heartbreak
Some relationship breakups are necessary. It might be a dating couple who discerns there is no future together. Always painful, these breakups can be messy, especially if they have been sexually involved.
The Church has always taught that sexual relations outside marriage are morally wrong. Even though casual sex and cohabitation have been normalised in our society, social science data points to the wisdom of reserving sex for marriage.
Then there are those relationships that are abusive. Some of the commentary on the divorce data has focussed on the challenge of financial constraints in these situations. As the cost of living rises, they claim that an increasing number of spouses are feeling trapped in dangerous unions.
True or not, we can’t ignore that breakups are costly in every way: suddenly, there are two homes to sustain instead of one, doubled bills, and the emotional toll of mending broken hearts.
If children are involved—and about 47% of divorces include kids under 18 – those costs multiply, impacting their stability and emotional well-being.
Always complicated, these situations require compassion, wisdom and practical support. It’s an area of some delicacy for those of us ministering in this space as we seek to accompany those suffering even as we honour the sacred vocation of marriage.
Happily Ever After
Finally, there are those in relationships that are not fundamentally broken but are in a season of doubt or tribulation. These seasons come and go, and some may persist for quite some time. We’ve been in these dark seasons ourselves and we know how disorienting it can be.
The darkness does eventually lift, and it’s often only then that we realise the challenging season was actually a blessing – the growing pains caused by our hearts being stretched and our faith deepened.
We all long for the fairytale ending – “and they lived happily ever after” – but that is rarely, if ever, the case. And least, not here on earth. This world – this life – is limited. But it’s not how God planned it to be for us, and certainly not for ever.
Rather, God plants the desire for everlasting love and happiness in our hearts to remind us of our greater calling – to be in communion with Jesus eternally. That’s the happily ever for which we were made and on which we can truly rely.
