Smart Dating #4: You Are What You Do

Almost everyone aspires to a happy, life-long marriage. Surveys across different cultures and various age groups all point to the predominant desire for a loving and stable family life shared with a partner with whom one can work as a team for the good of the family. And why wouldn’t we? We all know that…

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Smart Dating #1: The Serial Relationship Trap

From university campuses to the work place, the unspoken rules of 21st century dating are that sex is expected, commitment and fidelity are optional, and marriage is a dirty word. Most people will enter a series of intense romantic relationships before marriage becomes a serious possibility, some starting the process of serial dating in their…

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The Commitment Challenge #3

Sex and Committed Relationships In a recent discussion at a youth conference, it was put to us by some of the participants that pre-marital sex was acceptable as long as it was a ‘committed’ relationship. Casual sex was seen to be inappropriate and perhaps dangerous, but if the couple were in a committed dating situation,…

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The Other Sex

Language Matters For years, advocates of inclusive language have been steadily drawing our attention to the clumsy use of language which can alienate various ethnic groups or religious adherents, the elderly, the young, the disabled, the poor, or even whole sexes. Why? Because language is more than just about communicating our thoughts effectively. Language is…

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Kiss Me Quick!

Sex or Nothing? Kissing is highly under-rated in our culture. Since the sexual revolution, sex has come to dominate romantic relationships and dominate our thinking about what it means to be sexually intimate. Even married couples of more traditional values, where sex is confined to within marriage, can fall victim to this sex-or-nothing thinking about…

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Free Sex? The Unintended Cost of the Pill

While the western world celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pill, an American economist, Timothy Reichert*, using simple but powerful competition theory, is questioning its benefit to women. The Mating Market The theory goes thus: There used to be just one ‘mating market’. If a person wanted sex, it was readily available in marriage and…

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Married Singles Unhappily Ever After

We all start out in marriage with a dream; a dream of a life-long, love affair. But after a year or two, disillusionment sets in and the unreserved trust and intimacy we enjoyed becomes tentative and fragile. We join the army of other ‘married singles’ living our parallel lives and wishing that the other sex…

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The Language of Love

The Language of Love

A sacrament makes visible in a human way something that is invisible or spiritual. In other words, a sacrament images and reveals the mystery of God. Every sacrament has two key aspects which make the sacrament visible: words and gesture. In marriage, the sacramental words are the wedding vows, in effect “I freely give myself…

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Gender Bias in Intimacy

Making sense of intimacy differences

While almost everyone acknowledges that men and women are different, managing these differences is not so easy, especially in the area of intimacy. A woman’s preferred way of achieving intimacy is deep personal conversation, talking and sharing feelings, that is, verbal language.  A man’s preferred way of achieving intimacy is physical bonding, touch and love…

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When Sex is Just an Activity

The sex-starved marriage

Almost everything around us – movies, magazines, books, even our friends and relatives-approach sex as something you ‘do’. In other words, sex is seen primarily as an activity. Most people never question this attitude and can naturally assume that if it is something that you ‘do’, you should ‘do’ it well. Prowess and performance can…

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