According to Sam Black of Covenant Eyes, there are four fundamental ways that pornography undermines marital sex. Contrary to expectations, porn won’t make you a better lover, it won’t spice things up, it certainly won’t help you deepen your understanding of God’s plan for your sex life. He explains how porn hurts a good sex life thus:

Porn offers the promise of a quick fix. But really great sex requires an intimate investment, and the rewards of intimacy have built-in multipliers. That’s right, real intimacy has a plural impact on a marital relationship. Unfortunately, our instant gratification society encourages people to invest less and get it now, even if a little time and work would yield much greater rewards.

Most guys (and some gals) misspell intimacy as S-E-X, said Dr. Dan Erickson, an author, counselor, and speaker. Instead, intimacy should be seen as in-to-me-see.

The word intimacy is born out of the Latin word intima, which means “innermost, most secret.” Each person carries within them an intima, and when that deep and vulnerable core is shared with another, a profound connection can be built.

A couple can have sex without intimacy, and it often leads to dissatisfaction and less sex within a relationship, Erickson said. But when sex becomes a part of overall expressions of intimacy, then magic happens.

Here’s an excerpt from his article.

4 Ways Porn Kills Great Sex in Marriage

Sam Black | Covenant Eyes | May 6, 2013 | FULL ARTICLE HERE

porn marriage

Porn makes promises it can’t keep, especially when it comes to hot sex in marriage.

Porn won’t spice up your sex life, and it won’t make you a better lover. Science and psychology show that sharing porn with your spouse or having a secret affair with porn will mess up hot nights of passion, especially for the long haul.

What will make sex better can be summed up in one word: intimacy. And no, sex does not equal intimacy.

So here are four (brief) ways porn kills great sex. To learn four ways to take intimacy to the next level, see next month’s issue of Pure Minds Online.

Killer No. 1: Porn Hijacks Your Focus

The producers of porn and portions of pop culture tout that pornography leads to more fun, more pleasure, exciting new moves, and mind-blowing orgasms. Instead, porn’s path is disappointing at best and debilitating at worst.

“Pornographers promise healthy pleasure and relief from sexual tension, but what they often deliver is an addiction, tolerance, and an eventual decrease in pleasure. Paradoxically, the male patients I worked with often craved pornography but didn’t like it,” writes Dr. Norman Doidge in The Brain That Changes Itself.

Great sex means a husband and wife focus on each other. The Bible describes it as “one flesh.”

But porn teaches the brain to focus on multiple images, body types, partners and scenarios. The focus on one’s spouse is lost, and repeated use of pornography takes precedence. A habit or an addiction to porn is an obvious killer to marital and sexual oneness, because true focus is singular not plural.

Killer No. 2: Porn Creates Neural Pathways for More Porn

Doidge explains that “human beings exhibit an extraordinary degree of sexual plasticity compared with other creatures.” By “plasticity” he means that our brains and our sexuality are molded by our experiences, interactions, and other means of learning, which is why people vary in what they say is attractive or what turns them on. The brain actually creates neural pathways that label a specific type of person or activity as arousing.

Neurologists repeat a mantra: Neurons that fire together wire together. Simply put, repeating an activity makes it easier to do. But it also means that the human brain learns to associate specific activities with neurological rewards.

Unlike many other activities, porn and masturbation release such a firestorm of neurochemical and hormonal rewards that the brain can map out neural pathways for porn use quickly. That’s why porn use is so addictive.

Using porn to spice up marital sex is self-defeating. Instead of being more attracted to and engaged with one’s spouse, the porn user will actually become more engrossed with porn. Your Brain on Porn reviews a study showing that when men and women were exposed to porn, they were less likely to be pleased with their partner’s physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance. The researchers concluded that porn consumers eventually compare their spouse with images of porn models.

Another study appearing in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 2002 found similar results. When men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people.

Read 2 more ways porn harms your sex life.

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