Smart Dating #3: 21st Century Courtship

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Dating With Purpose In times past, dating and courtship were closely linked to marriage in a clear sequence of relationship development. Dating was a low-commitment means of getting to know a person in their character. Once one individual was singled out for special attention, courtship followed and the unspoken assumption was that this was a…

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To Have and to Hold

The Meaning How often have we heard those classic words from the silver screen or at a church wedding!  At its most basic, “To Have and To Hold” refers to the physical embrace of husband and wife. “To have” is to receive without reservation the total self-gift of the other. It’s not a statement of…

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Cohabitation Myth

Many dating couples opt to live together before deciding to marry, because they believe that it is a responsible and prudent thing to do. They reason that cohabitating together will be like a trial marriage. They will learn all about each other’s habits and discover whether they are truly compatible. And when they do finally…

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Champions Make Champions

Anyone who has ever excelled in anything in life, be it music, sport or business, knows that if you want to be the best, you have to hang out with the best. Training with others who are dedicated to excellence in your chosen field helps advance your own ability. Not only do you learn from…

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Two of Us: Fault Finding

On criticizing your spouse Reflect Separately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions. Write some notes so that you can share more fully with your spouse. Prayer: Father, I come to you this day with love and yearning.  I want to be better at our marriage.  I need your help so…

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Smart Dating #1: The Serial Relationship Trap

From university campuses to the work place, the unspoken rules of 21st century dating are that sex is expected, commitment and fidelity are optional, and marriage is a dirty word. Most people will enter a series of intense romantic relationships before marriage becomes a serious possibility, some starting the process of serial dating in their…

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The Search for Meaning

Recently, we came across this video of Viktor Frankl giving a lecture on the Search for Meaning. In it he makes the point, that “if we take man as he is, we make him worse, but if we take him as he should be we make him capable of becoming what he can be”. Pointing…

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Complaint to Request

The Unforeseen Truth While deep down we really love each other, all couples inevitably have ‘complaints’ about their spouse. They can be as simple as annoying habits, inconsistent behaviour and frustrating personality traits. Often, the very characteristics that first attracted us become the most infuriating ones of all. You fall in love with his sense…

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Two of Us: Topics of Conversation

A couple exercise to examine the patterns of our communication       Reflect Separately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions. Write some notes so that you can share more fully with your spouse. Prayer Father, I thank you for you and I thank you for myself  and I thank you for…

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Boundaries

The proverb, “Good fences make good neighbours” has a great deal of wisdom. The concept of having clearly defined boundaries helps us to develop healthy relationships. When people know the limits of what they can demand from a relationship, it allows all parties to enjoy it. Hidden agendas evaporate and positive feeling in the relationship…

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