Whenever you are making an important decision or disagree about how to go about something, Stop, Reflect and Connect! This tool will help you to avoid an argument by refocusing you on your priority – your spouse and your relationship.


Before the argument escalates any further, call a time out and cool off. Take a moment to pray for the grace of ‘Insight’ so that you might better understand yourself and your spouse.


Do some detective work on yourself to discover what values are driving you towards a particular point of view:

  • What do I want? – In straight-forward and honest language state simply what you want.
  • Why is it important to me? Think about the underlying values. What good will come of doing it this way?
  • How important is it to me? Use a scale of 1-10 for each value you have identified.


Come together and:

  • Unclutter with whatever physical contact is most comfortable for you.
  • Understand each other’s values. Exchange your notes and discuss together. How can you embrace your fiancé’s value?
  • Brainstorm possible solutions. Evaluate each solution according to how well it honours both of your values. Identify the one which is in the best interests of your relationship.


Francine & Byron Pirola

Francine & Byron Pirola are the founders and principal authors of the SmartLoving series. They are passionate about living Catholic marriage to the full and helping couples reach their marital potential. They have been married since 1988 and have five children. Their articles may be reproduced for non commercial purposes with appropriate acknowledgement and back links. For Media Enquiries Please Contact us here

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