True love cannot be contained; it always gives life in some form. For most couples, this will result in the biological birth of a child. For others, it will be expressed in a shared effort to generously give of their time and talents to others.
Love gives Life
When we love someone deeply, we want more of that person in the world and we yearn to see our love made flesh in a child. We can sometimes doubt ourselves but we rarely doubt the other’s ability to be a good father or a good mother. We give each other the gift of maternity or paternity as an act of trust and belief in our spouse’s goodness. No matter how much we desire to be a mother or a father, it can only happen if our spouse says “Yes” to us.
Most people have an innate desire to do the right thing, especially when they are in love. They want to please God but when it comes to when, or how many children to have, they can get confused as to what is God’s will for them. In deciding how many children to have it is best to be neither selfish nor careless. The church has far too much awe for the creation of human life to ever dictate how many children a couple should have. The church only asks that you invite God into the discernment and remain open to life in the process of regulating births.
If you share responsibility for your children as husband and wife and stay attentive to God’s involvement in all aspects of your lives, there will be no fear of pregnancy. Furthermore, if you understand that intercourse is the body language that speaks your wedding vows, you will be constantly reminded that you give your whole self, including your fertility, to the other. To actively sterilize intercourse through the use of contraception, changes its intrinsic meaning and negates the total gift of self.
Trusting in each other
Birth control is primarily a trust issue; trusting each other and trusting God. Women find it difficult to trust that their husbands will be as involved and invested in the children as they must be, if he is uninvolved with them emotionally. Men often find it difficult to trust in their own ability to provide for their family or in God’s direct involvement in the family’s financial well-being. Both can question whether they have the emotional resources to care for a child.
Trust is a journey that begins with the couple. It grows with emotional intimacy and each demonstration of responsible and trustworthy behaviour. The more you trust the other to be there for you, the more you will trust God to be involved in your love for each other and your willingness to give life. If you pray for the grace ‘to desire children as much as the Father desires them for you’, and you do desire to have children, you will always know that your children were first desired by God and you will be able to trust that God will be there to love them and care for them their whole life long.
Children will help you fall more in love with each other because children extend you and draw out your virtue, making you more attractive to each other, more grateful and more trusting. The other’s generosity or tenderness toward a son or daughter can inspire awe in you and draw you to them all the more. Society would have women believe that they become less attractive during pregnancy, but no man is ever more in love with his wife than when she is carrying his child.
More on this topic
- Fertility – an Introduction: here
- Natural Fertility methods: here
- Avoiding Pregnancy – Confidently: here
- Achieving Pregnancy – Naturally: here
- Intentional Intercourse: here
- A Vision for Life and Love: here
- The Language of Love: here
- Natural Method Effectiveness: here
- Learning Natural Fertility – Links: here