Have you been lied to? Part I


Last week on my blog post, one person asked the question, “What’s this lie you’re talking about?” It was an excellent question which really made me think about the most straight forward way of answering to answer it.

Image by SeanMacEntee

A Lap Dance

And it reminded me of a Facebook post I’d seen earlier that week that moved me almost to tears. The post was on a popular mum’s Facebook group with over 1000 likers. One mum asked the question, “Would you mind if your husband got a lap dance at a bucks night?”

She also stated that obviously she knew strippers were the norm for a bucks – but what about a lap dance? Clearly this mum minded her husband getting a lap dance, otherwise she wouldn’t bother asking the question. It seemed pretty clear she also minded the stripper… but what could she do? Strippers and bucks go hand in hand right? And who was she to ask her husband not to look at another woman? Naked.

So what’s the lie?

It’s stuff like this that reminds me of what life is like before you recognise the lie. The lie that seeing strippers on your bucks night is just innocent fun. The lie that it’s ok to lust after a woman’s (or man’s) body. The lie that what lust does is harmless. That sex is casual, meaningless, no big deal. The lie that your virginity is something you need to lose like a bad smell, so you can get on with your carefree life of great sex and no consequences.

The truth

But the truth is – lust is not harmless. Looking at a naked woman on a bucks night, or any night, does have consequences. The truth is we’ve been lied to about love and so we often confuse it with lust.

Recent scientific studies have discovered many biological and psychological effects of indulging lust. Like the inability to form a life long connection to a partner because of multiple past sexual partners; or re-wiring brain connections as a result of looking at pornography.

(Yes I know you want to see these studies. But I’m on holidays and I left them at home, so… I’ll update this over the next few weeks with a few references.)

But you don’t just have to look to studies. Many people can tell their own stories of how pornography, jealously, feeling used, being wanted only for their body, or worse, being rejected for their body, has left them feeling like seriously damaged goods.

Love has been distorted

But it doesn’t have to be this way! There’s not enough room in this blog post to talk about the way love has been distorted and how to find the real deal. But it’s so important! So next week the whole post will be on that.

But for now I just want to say that I get it. I know what it’s like to live on the other side of the lie, to think that strippers are just a ‘normal part’ of a bucks night.

“I know, I know”

Now if you’re reading this and thinking “seriously you thought that was normal?” – you are very fortunate! Fortunate to have been brought up/grown up/surrounded by whatever  circumstances that helped you see this way. And I hope you find things on this blog and website to help other people see the way you do. Enter your email address in the subscribe box and you’ll get these posts to your inbox each week.


Or you might be thinking “I really want that!” Where you don’t have to think strippers at a bucks are normal. Where you don’t have to worry about your husband (or future husband) ogling some other woman. If that’s you – stay with me. I’ll be sharing new stuff each week from what I’ve read, seen and experienced that has changed my life for the better. And I believe it can change yours. So enter your email address in the subscribe box and you’ll get these posts to your inbox each week.

– See more at: www.newhopetalks.com

Agi Reefman

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