Married Couples
Positive Thinking
Capitalise on the Positive Most marriage counselling and education focuses on conflict and incompatibility. It seeks to help couples find constructive ways of dealing with challenges in the relationship. It’s a kind of ‘damage control’ approach that seeks to minimize the impact of negative experiences. One of the strategies for couples that is often overlooked…
Read MoreKiss Me Quick!
Sex or Nothing? Kissing is highly under-rated in our culture. Since the sexual revolution, sex has come to dominate romantic relationships and dominate our thinking about what it means to be sexually intimate. Even married couples of more traditional values, where sex is confined to within marriage, can fall victim to this sex-or-nothing thinking about…
Read MoreFree Sex? The Unintended Cost of the Pill
While the western world celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pill, an American economist, Timothy Reichert*, using simple but powerful competition theory, is questioning its benefit to women. The Mating Market The theory goes thus: There used to be just one ‘mating market’. If a person wanted sex, it was readily available in marriage and…
Read MoreAddicted to Busy
Busy Bees “I’m a very busy person. Don’t waste my time!” How often have we heard that line! Busyness in our culture has become endemic. We don’t know anybody who isn’t busy. Even retirees are busy. Our kids are busier than we ever were, running from this activity, to that ball game, to those training…
Read MoreTruth on Tap 2012
SmartLoving: Relationships that really work from dating to marriage Last week, Francine and Byron Pirola spoke to the youth at Truth on Tap in the Brookvale pub. They addressed key issues surrounding marriage breakdowns and focused on the concept of ‘Smart Loving’: how to love your spouse or fiancé so that both are cared for…
Read MoreCriticism Cancer
Criticism Can Kill Criticism kills not only the self-esteem of the one criticized, it also kills the spirit of optimism in the criticizer. In marriage it is a deadly cancer, eroding our trust and destroying confidence in our relationship. Criticism damages our sense of worthiness. When we are criticized, our doubts about ourselves are confirmed.…
Read MoreOn a Mission to Love
Invest in Love Our ten year old son is a great rugby player. He spends hours in the backyard kicking the ball around, usually over the neighbours’ fence! He eats, sleeps and talks rugby. And if he’s not playing rugby, he’s watching it on TV or ‘playing’ it on the X-Box. It’s not surprising that…
Read MoreMarried Singles Unhappily Ever After
We all start out in marriage with a dream; a dream of a life-long, love affair. But after a year or two, disillusionment sets in and the unreserved trust and intimacy we enjoyed becomes tentative and fragile. We join the army of other ‘married singles’ living our parallel lives and wishing that the other sex…
Read MoreFinding Reverse
Stuck in drive When visiting Rome recently, we borrowed a friend’s car to drive out of the city for a day. Everything was going fine (despite the fact that Roman drivers ignore the lane markings!), until we turned down a one way street the wrong way. Another car, traveling in the right direction, stopped, waiting…
Read MoreStop the Train…I Want to Get Off!
How the divorce superhighway fails couples. Speaking recently with one of America’s foremost family therapists, Dr Bill Doherty, we had a lively discussion on the divorce process. He noted that there are a significant proportion of couples who are ambivalent about their divorce, but once they file, it’s like they are on a superhighway with no…
Read More