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The Other Sex
Language Matters For years, advocates of inclusive language have been steadily drawing our attention to the clumsy use of language which can alienate various ethnic groups or religious adherents, the elderly, the young, the disabled, the poor, or even whole sexes. Why? Because language is more than just about communicating our thoughts effectively. Language is…
Read MoreThe BS Detector
Mind Over Matter ‘Mind Reading’ is one of those clairvoyant arts that seems to elude us when it comes to marriage. Too often we make the mistake of assuming that our spouse knows what we need without communicating clearly about it. How many times have we, or our spouse, declared in exasperation to the injured…
Read MoreThe Art of Seduction
The Post-Marriage Paradox When it comes to winning the affections of a woman, most men think of flowers, jewellery, romantic dinners, and copious amounts of admiring comments about her looks. It works pretty well most of the time… until they get married and start a family. Now, these same gestures can sometimes, to his utter…
Read MoreSince it’s Not the End of the World…Make Some New Year Resolutions
Every New Year’s Eve it’s the same. We resolve to lose weight, get fit, cut back on bad habits and bring more balance into our lives. And sometimes, we even DO follow through, even if only for a few months. These are not bad resolutions. The question is: are these things the ones on which…
Read MorePositive Thinking
Capitalise on the Positive Most marriage counselling and education focuses on conflict and incompatibility. It seeks to help couples find constructive ways of dealing with challenges in the relationship. It’s a kind of ‘damage control’ approach that seeks to minimize the impact of negative experiences. One of the strategies for couples that is often overlooked…
Read MoreKiss Me Quick!
Sex or Nothing? Kissing is highly under-rated in our culture. Since the sexual revolution, sex has come to dominate romantic relationships and dominate our thinking about what it means to be sexually intimate. Even married couples of more traditional values, where sex is confined to within marriage, can fall victim to this sex-or-nothing thinking about…
Read MoreA Habit of Thanks
Think Positive I was very pessimistic as a teenager. I tended to see everything negatively, and even when something good happened, I always noted how it could be better. I didn’t make very good company, even for myself. That changed when I fell in love, and learned a new way of relating to the world.…
Read MoreResponsible Honesty
Defining Honesty An honest person is someone we can trust; they have a track record of being true to their values and their word. The old adage ‘if we are honest in small things, we will be honest in big things’ is not only true, its inverse is also true: dishonesty in small things leads…
Read MoreFree Sex? The Unintended Cost of the Pill
While the western world celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pill, an American economist, Timothy Reichert*, using simple but powerful competition theory, is questioning its benefit to women. The Mating Market The theory goes thus: There used to be just one ‘mating market’. If a person wanted sex, it was readily available in marriage and…
Read MoreAddicted to Busy
Busy Bees “I’m a very busy person. Don’t waste my time!” How often have we heard that line! Busyness in our culture has become endemic. We don’t know anybody who isn’t busy. Even retirees are busy. Our kids are busier than we ever were, running from this activity, to that ball game, to those training…
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