God is close to the lonely

 Towards the end of July we celebrate World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. This year (2024) the theme is loneliness and references Ps 71:9 “Do not cast me off in my old age”.  

Loneliness is defined as ‘a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack (or loss) of companionship’. It’s different to ‘aloneness’ which describes ‘the objective state of having no one around’. 

As a subjective experience, loneliness arises when there is a discrepancy between our desired level of companionship and the actual level we have.  

All sorts of things can influence our level of need for companionship such as personality, sex, self-sufficiency, spirituality and so on. There are also many factors that influence our access to companionship including language, mobility, social reach, mental health, financial resources etc.  

The experience of loneliness is a complex of unfulfilled needs and desires: the need to be known and understood; the need for safety and security, the need to be relevant and useful to others, the need for stimulation and intellectual interaction, the need for physical touch and affection. 

Loneliness costs

Loneliness is an experience with consequences. Studies have linked loneliness with poorer health, increased incidence of depression and anxiety, declines in productivity and life expectancy.  

These very real consequences have led some nations to establish taskforces to study and combat loneliness. In 2018, Britain appointed the first Minister for Loneliness while other nations have committed significant resources to research the topic.   

One study that examined the impact of loneliness for church communities in Australia is The Relationship Drought by Publica. The authors noted that loneliness increased in those over 75, “due to the loss of partners and friends through death or dementia. Declining mobility and chronic illness can also impact upon the capacity for social connection”. 

Isolated from generational life 

Every stage of life holds unique challenges and blessings for our relationships. As newish grandparents, we delight in how each new addition charms – and tests! – both us and their parents.  

The demands of young babies bring our grandchildren frequently across our threshold. It’s a joy to welcome them each week but after two or three days together, we are very happy to wave them goodbye. 

But what will happen as they start school, enter their teens, and no longer find cooking and crafting with Nonnina so interesting? When they no longer need Nonno to fix a toy or take them swimming? 

Our own parents (now in their eighties and nineties) often express sadness at the loss of connection that happens as grandchildren age and move into independence.  

For parents, this is usually a welcome transition, which brings liberation from the demands of care responsibilities.  But for grandparents, the relational distance of grandchildren is another loss among many.  

Those elderly who live far from their grandchildren due to migration or family breakdown, or who never had children of their own, experience deep loss. It’s a grief that often intensifies in the elder years as the hope of restoration fades.  

God is close

Although loneliness is not exclusive to the elderly, it has a particular sting to it in the context of declining health and the approach of death. The fear of dying alone and the uncertainty of life after death, make the elder years particularly susceptible to loneliness. 

Yet God is always close. As Pope Francis notes: “God never abandons his children, never. Even when our age advances and our powers decline, when our hair grows white and our role in society lessens, when our lives become less productive and can risk appearing useless.”  

In Genesis (2:18), God declares “It is not good for man to be alone”. Embedded deep in our human nature is a need for companionship.  

God created us for eternal communion with him. Our longing for human companionship is a manifestation of our longing for the infinite love, acceptance, security and relevance that only God can provide. 

Thus some degree of loneliness in this life is inevitable, for we are created for a kingdom not of this world. As fellow Christians, let us accompany one another, and especially our elderly, as we journey towards our ultimate fulfilment in heaven.