Together with Purpose

The theme for Marriage Week prompts us to reflect – what is our purpose as a couple? Are we together merely by luck, or is there something more?

It’s not uncommon to hear people refer to couples in long-lasting marriages as ‘lucky’. It’s as if marital longevity is a roll of the dice, like winning the lottery.

Yet every such couple we know, would contradict that assumption. It’s the myriad daily choices we make to move towards each other – or away – that set the trajectory of our relationship.

As Catholics, we see God’s hand in our commitments, not chance. When we face challenges – small and large – God’s presence calls us to bring our will to love and serve each other.

And when we choose love in daily acts of service and self-gift, our marriage survives and strengthens. That’s not luck. It’s purposeful, intentional loving.

So, how did we shift from chance to choice?

Beginning in Love

Like many couples, our romance began with limerence – that’s the scientific term for the brain state associated with ‘falling in love’.

It includes a surge of neurotransmitters that together induce a state of euphoria, heightened energy, a sense of wellbeing and optimism, a decrease in rational thinking coupled with obsessive thoughts about the other.

Being in the ‘love bubble’ was a wonderful experience and love felt effortless and spontaneous. But it doesn’t last and God designed it that way – to draw us in, then invite us to choose love freely, just as He chooses us.

After the euphoria dissipated and rational thinking came back online, we began to engage our conscious and intentional choice in our relationship.

We’ve seen so many couples chase that initial high, feeling lost when it fades, as if real love slipped away. But that’s when the deeper bond begins, rooted in shared faith and values.

A more mature love was able to develop -the kind of love that is better able to endure the highs and lows of real-life marriage.

Beyond the Good Times

Once married, we encountered the normal seasons that every couple has. For us, it was juggling demanding jobs, nights of little sleep with young kids, and those moments of loneliness even when together.

If our marriage had only been about the good times, we wouldn’t have survived as a couple. But we understood our marriage was more than just a ‘piece of paper’ – it was a Sacrament and it was this knowledge that directed our focus towards purposeful loving.

Our Catholic marriage prep opened our eyes to this gift – that our vows aren’t just promises to each other, but a way to live out God’s love, drawing on His grace in tough times.

We leaned on that grace, which isn’t random like luck, but always there when we turn to Him in prayer.

Luck might win a game, but grace transforms hearts and it’s available to every couple who seeks it through the Sacrament. This foundation helped us see beyond survival to something richer.

Flourishing couples

God invites us – and every couple – to mirror His love, creating a home where we, our children, and even the world glimpse His goodness.

It’s more than simply avoiding divorce. God calls us to flourish in marriage – to be vibrantly growing in faith and in love.

Marital flourishing is really a measure of growth in two important areas: in our interior life, and in the level of trust and intimacy of our relationship.

There will be times when we feel sad, frustrated, fearful, embarrassed or any number of ‘negative’ emotions that eclipse the possibility of happiness in that moment or season.

We’ve felt that sadness or frustration eclipse joy in hard seasons, yet those times pushed us toward greater holiness and deeper connection. In fact, the painful and challenging periods in our marriage, often turned out to be major growth opportunities.

Which brings us back to the Marriage Week theme – ‘Together with Purpose’. Let’s shift our mindset from chance to choice and pursue marital flourishing with confidence and conviction.