Lent: A Marriage Make-over Opportunity
Lent – the annual invitation to lean in closer to the Lord in our pursuit of holiness through fasting, prayer and almsgiving. This year, we’re looking to do something together to grow both in faith and love.
It’s typical to approach Lent as individuals, each of us committing to our own plan of renewal. Yet our marriage vocation reminds us that being close to God and close to each other naturally go together.
A healthy, intimate marriage opens us to intimacy with God. And a deep and trustful relationship with God empowers us to love our spouse with greater fervour.
With that in mind we’ve been reflecting on ways to approach the Lenten practices from a vocational perspective.
1: Fast… from distraction
Last month, we went to the movies for the first time in years. For two hours we were fully engaged – we watched the big screen, laughed with the audience and discussed it afterwards.
What a difference to our usual ‘decompression’ evening practice – a B-grade TV series playing in the background while we answer emails, online shop or solve sudoku puzzles. It’s more like parallel play than shared recreation.
One of the great competitors to quality couple time is technology, particularly the hand-held scrolling variety which is optimised to hijack our attention.
With our minds spinning from over-stimulation, we lose our ability to be attentive in the moment. And yet, if we want to go deeper into the spiritual life – or married life – we must make space for it to flourish.
Here’s some ideas to fast from distraction:
- activate the timer lock on your social media accounts,
- delete the app so you can only access it from a desktop, or
- commit to a device-free hour each evening.
2: Pray… together
We are regularly told by couples who pray together that it is incredibly powerful for both their spiritual life and their relationship. It’s also scary to do, particularly at first.
Spontaneous open-hearted prayer together is profoundly intimate and is a gold- standard for couples. We certainly wish we did more of it but truthfully – we find it a little intimidating.
It takes enormous trust to bring each other into our dialogue with God… a dialogue where there are no masks or defences. It’s very intimate; perhaps even more so than our lovemaking.
Learning to pray like this requires flexibility as we develop in our relationship with God and each other.
If, like us, you find it a bit overwhelming, start modestly and build towards a more intimate shared prayer. It’s ok to start simple and go slow.
And Lent is the perfect time to initiate it or step it up. It gives us the structure to consolidate a habit so that, once established, we can deepen the practice over the coming decades.
For example, one Lent we began praying Compline (Night Prayer) from the Office together – and we just never stopped. It has now become part of our daily spiritual routine.
3: Give… from scarcity
We usually associate almsgiving with financial giving. As important as that is, an even more devastating poverty in our society is loneliness.
So many people are socially isolated or lack genuine loving relationships. And if we’re honest, it’s often easier to donate money or things than it is donate our time.
If we want to experience the spiritual fruits of almsgiving, it has to cost us something, so God calls us to give, not out of our abundance, but out of our poverty. For busy people, time – not money – is our scarcity.
There are lots of people in our extended circle who would deeply appreciate time with us – a spontaneous visit, a phone call, a voice message of encouragement. When we do it together, our Sacrament will be the blessing.
So, there it is: three ways to do Lent as a couple. Whatever we choose to do – individually or as couple – the Lord delights in our efforts no matter how small. For God, in his generosity, will always bless what little we have to offer.
PS: If you’re wonder what the movie was: Bad Shabbos. For context, our daughter is engaged to a wonderful Jewish man!
