War and Peace on the Home Front

Every nation remembers the sacrifice of their war veterans with a Memorial Day. Thinking about your marriage: is it more of a battlefield than the safe harbour it is intended to be? Through our work with couples, we often encounter those in embattled relationships. They’ve become trapped in a fractious pattern where almost every interaction…

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Calling Volunteer Feet

It’s that time of year when parishioners scatter like startled sheep. The call goes out for volunteers to have their feet washed on Holy Thursday, and suddenly, we’re armed with a thousand excuses.  We get it – our knobbly, stinky feet aren’t exactly our best feature. The idea of baring them in public, especially to…

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Long Live the Ten-Second Kiss

In a world that pulls couples apart, a simple ten-second kiss IS a small act of love with big rewards.  Regular readers of SmartLoving will be familiar with the Connect Kiss – a daily connection ritual we promote to couples. It consists of a smoochy kiss that lasts at least ten seconds.  We recommend it…

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Resilience Of The Marital Kind

Let’s face it – marriage can be a tough gig these days. Living in a culture that almost expects marriage to fail, couples wonder what they can do to immunise their relationship against the tragedy of divorce. Understanding the True Purpose of Marriage Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and…

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Editing Ourselves

Balancing honesty with kindness & Effectiveness  We live in a culture that champions unfiltered self-expression. We’re told that honesty is the ultimate virtue in relationships – that I have a right to say what’s on my mind, whenever I feel like it, and that our spouse should be ready to listen.   It’s a message that…

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When I am winning, WE are usually losing

  “You can either be right, or you can be one, but you can’t be both”. Our mentors were talking to us about a frustrating argument, and we were both digging in.   They were right, of course, but we struggled to put it into practice. It would not be the last time either. Like just…

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Our Way or God’s Way?

 Finding Harmony in the Catholic Wedding Vows We often find ourselves chatting with engaged couples who want to write their own wedding vows. They tell us the traditional language feels stiff or too generic, and we get it—their love is unique, and they want their words to reflect that. It’s entirely understandable, and it…

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Intentional Relationship

  No matter how easy it is to fall in love, staying in love requires attention and effort. Most people drift into love, marriage and family without a whole lot of conscious planning about the kind of relationship they want to have five, 10 or 20 years down the track. Whether you are married, engaged…

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Keeping Love Alive in the Present Moment

Our romantic memories are the fabric of our couple history. When we reconnect with these memories, we reinvigorate our emotional connection in the present and set a positive tone for our future together.  The Power of Memory  The Hebrew word for “remember” literally means “make me present to you.” This beautiful insight captures the true…

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