Hear Me, Touch Me, Know Me

In relationships, the word ‘intimacy’ is often used as a euphemism for sex, but this is a very narrow and impoverished view. Some people have suggested that the meaning is better encapsulated through its sounds: “in-to-me-see” better captures the idea that intimacy involves the knowledge of the interior life of each other. In any relationship,…

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Sexual Differences – Respect & Cherishment

Gender differences – Respect & Cherishment WP

When we understand our sexual differences, we are empowered to use them constructively to build great relationships.  We’ve always maintained that our differences are something to celebrate; that they allow us to more deeply appreciate the unique contribution we each make to our shared life. We can be different, with differing abilities in various areas,…

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Video: The Sexy Lie

“Caroline Heldman, the chair of the Politics department at Occidental College, explains to her audience what sexual objectification is and why girls are taught that it can be empowering when the reality is far from that. This video is meant for both men and women. We all need to be more informed in order for…

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Loving Smarter

How can an otherwise intelligent man be such a dumb lover? For over twenty years I have bought my wife those very expensive chocolates to show her I love her, only to slooowly realise that for her it was more of an annoyance than a gift of love.  I love chocolate and find gift giving…

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An Unexpected Anniversary Gift

Only a man would attempt this… (Originally found somewhere in the depths of Facebook)   A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking…

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Respect & Cherishment

What’s the Diff? While everyone experiences love uniquely, some clear gender patterns have emerged through relationship research. In one study, when given the option between the negative choices of being ‘alone and unloved in all the world’ or ‘inadequate and disrespected by everyone’, 74% of men preferred be alone and unloved, compared to only minority…

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Free Sex? The Unintended Cost of the Pill

While the western world celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pill, an American economist, Timothy Reichert*, using simple but powerful competition theory, is questioning its benefit to women. The Mating Market The theory goes thus: There used to be just one ‘mating market’. If a person wanted sex, it was readily available in marriage and…

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Married Singles Unhappily Ever After

We all start out in marriage with a dream; a dream of a life-long, love affair. But after a year or two, disillusionment sets in and the unreserved trust and intimacy we enjoyed becomes tentative and fragile. We join the army of other ‘married singles’ living our parallel lives and wishing that the other sex…

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Gender Bias in Intimacy

Making sense of intimacy differences

While almost everyone acknowledges that men and women are different, managing these differences is not so easy, especially in the area of intimacy. A woman’s preferred way of achieving intimacy is deep personal conversation, talking and sharing feelings, that is, verbal language.  A man’s preferred way of achieving intimacy is physical bonding, touch and love…

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