Lent: the ultimate change-maker

Like most people, our optimistic resolutions for the New Year tend to fizzle out before the end of January. Thankfully, Lent gives us another, and a better, chance of success. Here are three ways to give our marriages a Lenten make-over based on three traditional practices – fasting, prayer and almsgiving. 1: Fast… from criticism…

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Criticism: the not-so-silent killer

Criticism kills. It undermines our confidence and corrodes relationship trust. In relationship research, it is identified as one of four destructive relationship habits.   We’ve all experienced the negative impact of criticism, especially from loved ones. Sadly, it’s been present in our marriage and family far too often.  Most of our criticism originates in a complaint.…

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Stop Whining Already!

It might not be official church teaching, but the admonishment against complainers got as close as it’s possible to get when Pope Francis recently posted this notice on his residential door. Translated from Italian the notice reads: “You are forbidden to complain. Violators are subject to a victim mentality that decreases one’s sense of humour…

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The wrong kind of penance

It’s Lent again and time to think about reform in our spiritual lives by taking on some Lenten penance. But is all penance equal? The traditional Lenten traditions of prayer, fasting and almsgiving have been somewhat diluted by we moderns to very lame versions of what our forebears in faith used to do. Here’s what…

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Two of Us: Negativity

An exercise to help us grow in the area of ‘affirmation’ rather than ‘criticism’ to enrich our relationships rather than grid-lock them. Reflect Separately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions. Write some notes and then share your answers more fully with your spouse.   Prayer Father,  You have chosen me to…

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Two of Us: Compliments and Criticisms

An exercise to understand the impact compliments and criticisms have in our individual relationships. It can be quite easy to give someone either, but the effect is usually greater than we initially think. Reflect Separately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions. Write some notes and then share your answers more fully…

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Two of Us: Fault Finding

On criticizing your spouse Reflect Separately, say the prayer and spend some time reflecting on the questions. Write some notes so that you can share more fully with your spouse. Prayer: Father, I come to you this day with love and yearning.  I want to be better at our marriage.  I need your help so…

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Criticism Cancer

Criticism Can Kill Criticism kills not only the self-esteem of the one criticized, it also kills the spirit of optimism in the criticizer. In marriage it is a deadly cancer, eroding our trust and destroying confidence in our relationship. Criticism damages our sense of worthiness. When we are criticized, our doubts about ourselves are confirmed.…

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