Our Father-in-Awe
Earlier this week, Francine had a routine medical procedure. Predictably, one of the nurses asked, “Are you related to Professor Pirola?” She was referring to Byron’s father, a recently-retired medical specialist who enjoyed a long career in our local community.
“Yes”, Francine replied, “He’s my father-in-awe”*. That brought a laugh, before the inevitable follow up comment from the nurse. “I worked with him 30 years ago. He’s a wonderful doctor!”
With our second son preparing to marry in a few months, we’ve found ourselves reflecting on our in-law relationships. In particular, we noted how our parent and parent-in-law relationships differ.
As parents we care deeply about our children. Before we feel comfortable about ‘giving away’ our son or daughter on their wedding day, we want to be assured that the person who will hold our child’s heart for life is a good person. Someone able to bring out the best in them, and to help them grow in holiness.
Parents want to see their child happily and fruitfully married to someone worthy of them, someone who is as committed to our child’s welfare as we are. We carefully scrutinise everyone our son or daughter dates, aware of all the possibilities each one represents.
The tradition of asking a father for his blessing to marry his daughter reflects this human intuition of responsibility of care. As we welcome each child’s spouse into our family, we entrust them with our child’s care and commit to supporting them in this endeavour.
A father who cares
However much our earthly father and mother cares about our wellbeing, our Father in Heaven cares more than even the most devoted of human parents. He loves us, listens to us when we pray, hears our cries, carries us through valleys of heartache and rejoices with us in times of joy. He is the fulfilment of everything our heart desires in a father.
But God is not just our Father, he’s also the Father of our spouse. He equally cares, loves, listens, cries and rejoices with my spouse as He does with me.
And, like our human father-in-law, he cares deeply about how we treat our spouse, who is his beloved child as much as we are.
It’s one thing to have a human person as a father-in-law – the one to whom we are accountable for the care of their son or daughter – it’s another thing again to realise that our spouse is also the child of our Heavenly Father. Thus our commitment to love and care for our spouse is also made to God himself!
Chosen by the Father
With this awareness comes the understanding that God wants us to be the loving husband or wife his beloved child – our spouse – deserves. When our spouse chose to marry us, our Father in Heaven also chose us.
He chose us to be his missionary, his prophet; the one who would carry his message of unrelenting love and encouragement to his beloved child.
In the inevitable woundedness that arises in married life, we often focus on our own heartache, on the ways that our spouse fails to love us as we desire. We too easily forget that one day we will stand before God to review how well we loved his son or daughter.
As husband and wife we are the face of God in our spouse’s earthly life. We are uniquely placed to affirm the other’s goodness, challenge them to be more than they believe they can be, heal their woundedness and model God’s mercy and forgiveness.
God, our Father-in-Awe, missions us to love our spouse in imitation of his love, helping them to grow in faith and holiness. And if God can have such confidence in us, we can trust him to help us fulfil this mission.
