Conflict
Marriage on Fire
At the time of writing, fires are still blazing across the Australian landscape with many tragedies of life and property lost. Even if not directly impacted, many of us have friends, family and colleagues who are. And it is not over yet. In our case, Christmas Day saw Byron and two of our sons depart…
Read MoreRetired, Extremely Dangerous
A few weeks ago, we watched the action comedy R.E.D. featuring Bruce Willis as retired black ops agent whose peaceful retirement is disrupted by a CIA order to eliminate him. The comedy rests in the ridiculously casual way the characters approach their killing careers. RED, it turns out stands for his classification: ‘retired, extremely dangerous’.…
Read MoreIt Takes One to Tango
We’ve all heard the saying: it takes two to tango. But is it true that the only way to improve a marriage is if both husband and wife co-operate? Marriage is like a dance. If one spouse changes his or her steps, that changes the dance. The truth is, it only takes one spouse to…
Read MoreLike Parent, Like Child
The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked…
Read MoreMaking the Connection…with Arguments
Neither of us likes it when we disagree, yet we’ve had more than a few in our 28 years of marriage – some of them leading to horrible arguments. When disagreements descend into arguments, they usually become hurtful and unproductive, leaving us feeling bitter and exhausted. But are arguments all bad, or always harmful? Many…
Read MoreFive Ways To Help A Struggling Marriage
We’ve all been in that situation. A friend or relative confides in us that they are having some marriage trouble. We want to help but knowing what to do that is genuinely helpful is tricky. Here are a few tips to keep in mind. Use your best listening skills: give your full attention, validate the…
Read MoreOne Again
Adopt a structured Reconciliation Process Because you are not at your best when you have been hurt, it is wise to have a formal process that you have agreed on in advance. You can reconcile using the Stop-Reflect-Connect & L.I.F.E. tools together. Step 1: Stop! Separate. When you’re hurt, it’s easy to say hurtful things…
Read MoreName It & Tame It
Once you have named your formation, you are in a position to tame it – to consciously choose to reinforce that formation which is helpful and constructive, or to change the formation that is problematic for you. There are three common patterns of problem formation: Incompatible Expectations arise as a result of the differences in…
Read MoreReconciliation
Love means more tha saying “I’m sorry” Concept: Forgiveness Forgiveness is not an emotion. Forgiveness is a choice; a choice to let go of your resentment against your fiancé. Forgiveness is a vital step to the restoration of your unity. There’s a difference between the ‘I’ centred statement “I’m sorry”, and the other centred statement,…
Read MoreRestoring Unity
Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun set on your anger. Ephesians 4:26 Reconciliation and healing can be a great source of growth and grace in a couple’s relationship. Reconciliation teaches couples how to be more sensitive to the other’s feelings and needs and how to love the other more effectively.…
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