Let’s face it, your fiancé is not the only person who can or has hurt or disappointed you. Outside injuries, whether new or ancient, limit your ability to trust or to be completely generous and they often drive your behaviour. You can overreact to each other because of something someone else has done to you recently, or even in the distant past. These are called ‘hot buttons’ or ‘emotional allergies’. The good news is you can be free of them now and in the future through the power of forgiveness.
The Power of Forgiveness
Many people resist granting forgiveness because they see it as condoning the sin, but if it wasn’t wrong, it wouldn’t have to be forgiven. You may have been justified in being hurt but you also have a right to be healed.
Forgiveness is not exactly the same as reconciliation. It does not mean that you have to trust that person again; after all, he or she may not be trustworthy. The person that you need to forgive does not even have to know that you have forgiven them. They may even be dead. It does mean that you conquer the injury and its effect on your heart by choosing to forgive and letting go of it.
We all sin out of our emotional injuries.
We don’t always give it back to the one who hurt us, but instead, we often take it out on those closest to us. Sometimes we simply become more critical, cynical, apathetic or angry in general. So for the sake of your fiancé, seek to be freed of the injury through the power of forgiveness.
In order to forgive, you need to see that the person who hurt you was also broken and accept that we are all sinners in need of God’s forgiveness. Good husbands and wives help each other to forgive those who have hurt them because it is in the best interest of the marriage.
Every athlete knows that they cannot play at the top of their game when injured. They are dedicated to maintaining their peak fitness. Great couples also adopt an urgency to be free of all emotional injury so that they too can be at their best for each other.
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Unresolved hurts can lead you to overreact
Whenever anyone does or says something that sparks the memory of a past injury, you bring it back up and connect it to the new offence. If you find yourself thinking “he always” or “she never”, it is often an indicator of unresolved hurt in that relationship.
The following common patterns of reacting to personal hurt or injury are typically experienced sequentially and in deepening levels of intensity until forgiveness is granted.
- Distancing: You pull away from the one who hurt you
- Assigning motive: You make judgments about why they hurt you, like “He doesn’t care about me.”
- Growing the wound: You play the hurt over and over in your mind allowing it to intensify and loom larger and larger
- Burying the hurt: You stuff it down in order to move on but in the end you just bury it alive
- Becoming angry: You become irritable, easily offended and start to overreact
- Taking it out on others: You criticise, lash out or vent anger at anyone who crosses you in the least way.
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Forgiveness Brings Freedom
Freedom to love and to become a sincere gift of self.
Refusing to forgive allows our emotional injuries to hold us captive.