Together again… for stronger and better

Contrary to popular belief, separation does not always end in divorce. Well supported, the process of separation can help a couple address their problems and reconcile stronger and better. Reconciliation between separated couples is not that uncommon – about 10-15% according to some commentators. Although headed for divorce, these couples reversed course and repaired their…

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Seven years – but who’s counting?

Some time ago, we were chatting with a man in his late twenties. He had been living with his girlfriend for some years, and she was restless: she wanted a commitment to marriage and family. After seven years together, he was still uncertain. In previous eras, the courtship sequence was simple: when a person was…

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Burn the Boats

A recent analysis of modern day wedding vows reveal around a third of couples shunning the traditional commitment for life. According to the results, 34% dumped the phrase ‘until death do us part’. This really shouldn’t surprise us as the prevailing messages young couples hear is that divorce is not only commonplace, it’s also to…

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Experience is not always the best teacher

Lots of people think that dating (and being sexually intimate) with a number of different people before marriage is an essential part of  forming a successful union. But is this kind of  ‘experience’ the best way to prepare for marriage? Many people think that having a few failed relationships is helpful in preparing them (or…

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#17 Accompanying The Abandoned

When a marriage breaks down, it’s rarely by mutual agreement. More commonly, one spouse wants to leave and the other wants to rebuild. For the abandoned spouse, it is bewildering, traumatic and distressing. Yet the situation is complicated – both spouses are in pain. How can we, as a community and as individuals accompany the…

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War and Peace on the Home Front

Every nation remembers the sacrifice of their war veterans with a Memorial Day. Thinking about your marriage: is it more of a battlefield than the safe harbour it is intended to be? Through our work with couples, we often encounter those in embattled relationships. They’ve become trapped in a fractious pattern where almost every interaction…

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Defiant Hope

Advent is a season of anticipation. The birth of any child, not least the Messiah, gives us cause for hope. Earlier this week, we heard the testimony of Chris and Natalie Stefanick, a couple who had journeyed through dark seasons in their marriage. Having survived sexual abuse as a child, Natalie found she needed many…

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Myths about Arguments

When it comes to marriage and relationship, there are a lot of myths out there. Here are five of the most common. Myth 1: Good couples don’t argue. The presence or absence of arguments is not a good indicator of the health of a marriage. Some couples who don’t argue are living detached, parallel lives.…

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Four Divorces and a Funeral

emotions

If you’re over the age of forty you might recall the 1994 movie “Four Weddings and a Funeral”. While it’s not a particularly memorable movie, the title seems to have an unexpected stickiness to it. Four Divorces and a Funeral – that’s pretty much what our life has been in the past month; a string…

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