Relationship Tips
Gratitude: The Heart-beat of Love
New research validates age-old wisdom: the simple habit of gratitude can transform a jaded marriage into a joyous encounter. By Marilyn Rodrigues A University of North Carolina study released last month highlighted the association of gratitude with a happy marriage. Cameron Gordon, the study’s lead author, said that the goodwill generated by grateful spouses creates…
Read MoreTwo Sides to Relationship Repair
Periods of disconnection are an unfortunate part of every marriage. Relationship Repair takes both an initiator and receiver. Disconnection has happened frequently in our marriage, even for newlyweds. It might have been the result of a hurtful action, a careless comment, an argument, or just insufficient time together. We’ve written about a number of disconnection…
Read MoreThree Ways to a Resilient Marriage
We’ve been hearing from many of our SmartLoving leaders around the world looking for help in supporting couples under stress. There’s certainly lots of stress going around with pandemic induced changes and uncertainty. It got us reflecting on marital resilience – the ability of a relationship to endure and persevere through difficulties. There is quite…
Read MoreLent: the ultimate change-maker
Like most people, our optimistic resolutions for the New Year tend to fizzle out before the end of January. Thankfully, Lent gives us another, and a better, chance of success. Here are three ways to give our marriages a Lenten make-over based on three traditional practices – fasting, prayer and almsgiving. 1: Fast… from criticism…
Read MoreStonewalling: A Silent Killer in Marriage
Stonewalling – aka ‘the silent treatment’ – is common in many marriages. Never helpful and poorly understood, we ignore it at our risk. Stonewalling is the practice of withdrawing from an interaction, shutting down and closing ourselves off from the other. We may be physically still present, but we become un-responsive, emotionally withdrawn, and non-communicative.…
Read MoreHow Expectations Set Us Up for Trouble
When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve…
Read MoreDefending our hearts
Is defensiveness crippling your relationship? Do you feel regularly on edge, reactive and punchy? Read on for our process for managing defensiveness. Recently, Byron shared a new idea with Francine. Instead of encouragement, Francine responded with “when will you get time to do that?!” The conversation immediately terminated in gloomy withdrawal. Afterwards we unpacked the…
Read MoreKiss to Connect
Many couples find the excitement of sex somewhat diminished within a few years of marriage. Their physical intimacy seems somehow perfunctory, unimaginative, even boring. Soon they are moving through life with regular sexual encounters but little connection. Some years on, even the regular sex may become less frequent and sometimes entirely absent. One way that…
Read MoreResolutions to Have and to Hold
It’s a new year, a new decade and a new beginning. Among all the goal setting, consider what you can do to transform your marriage. Have you ever noticed that New Year resolutions often have a repentance nature? Resolutions such as ‘to drink less’ or ‘to give up smoking’ directly identify behaviours we readily associate…
Read MoreThe Light of Bethlehem Heals
More than any other time of year, Christmas connects us with powerful childhood memories. For some, these are joyful: for many however, the memories are tinged with grief. Remembering Most of us have lovely memories of Christmas from our childhood: the excitement of gifts under the tree, beautiful liturgies, magical store displays and the movie…
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