Relationship Tips
Trigger warning: there’s a landmine below
Over the previous columns we have been exploring how our formation from our family of origin can continue to impact us and our marriage negatively. In this article we want to unpack the third and final way our formation experiences play out – through emotional injuries. Some years ago, Francine purchased a new espresso machine.…
Read MoreIncompatible Expectations
I wasn’t Expecting that! Over the last few columns we’ve been exploring how our formation in our family of origin continues to play out throughout our marriages. There are typically three ways in which our formation can pose challenges for us and today we explore the first of these: incompatible expectations. Growing up, Francine’s father…
Read MoreIt Takes One to Tango
We’ve all heard the saying: it takes two to tango. But is it true that the only way to improve a marriage is if both husband and wife co-operate? Marriage is like a dance. If one spouse changes his or her steps, that changes the dance. The truth is, it only takes one spouse to…
Read MoreWhat’s in a name?
More than you might think When Adam was commissioned by God to name all the animals (Gen 2: 19-20), it established an important idea in Judeo-Christian tradition; being able to name a person or thing, brings that thing under the authority of the one doing the naming. The scriptures are rich in examples where names…
Read MoreLike Parent, Like Child
The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked…
Read MoreNatural Fertility is Just an App Away
It’s now over 50 years since the publication of Humanae Vitae – one of the more controversial Vatican documents in recent history. This letter, addressed to all Catholics, reaffirmed the Church’s opposition to the use of contraception. The document was published at a time (1968) when hormonal contraceptives were newly available. Catholic couples mostly used…
Read MoreListening for true understanding
In our previous column, we made the point that marriage is like a contact sport, and that the ‘game’ is more fun, and certainly safer, when we both understand the rules of engagement. We outlined three rules for the Speaker and now we’d like to do the same for the Listener. In any intimate conversation,…
Read MoreThree Rules for Engagement
In our marriage seminars, we often say ‘Marriage is a contact sport’. But unlike other sports, in this game, the contestants are on the same team, or at least should be. Building a fulfilling marriage requires a strong sense of connection between us, a union that pervades all areas of our life: emotional, intellectual, spiritual,…
Read MoreFrom Bad Memories to Blessing
Some time back we were speaking with a divorced friend. As the conversation meandered along she recounted a memory from her marriage as it was going sour. It was a simple thing: a forgotten request for her birthday to pick up her favourite take away on the way home. As she recounted the story, there…
Read MoreWrangling the Memory Factor
Our memories are a powerful influence on our present wellbeing. Good or bad, old or recent, our past experiences form us into who we are today and our memories reinforce it in the present. Memories impact our self-esteem, our emotional disposition, and our relational resilience. And they do this without us even needing to be…
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