The Art of Apology

Have you ever experienced the situation when someone has apologised but, while the words were said it lacked something, making it difficult for you to accept it? Sadly, most of us are not as good at apologising as we need to be. We think that it’s obvious, should just be instinctual, or that our love…

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Seven years – but who’s counting?

Some time ago, we were chatting with a man in his late twenties. He had been living with his girlfriend for some years, and she was restless: she wanted a commitment to marriage and family. After seven years together, he was still uncertain. In previous eras, the courtship sequence was simple: when a person was…

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God is close to the lonely

 Towards the end of July we celebrate World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. This year (2024) the theme is loneliness and references Ps 71:9 “Do not cast me off in my old age”.   Loneliness is defined as ‘a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack (or loss) of companionship’. It’s different to ‘aloneness’ which describes ‘the…

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Couple Decision Making

Behind every behaviour or decision that you make, is a value; something that you hold in high esteem and is advanced in some way by the action. For example, making the choice to work back late, may reflect any one of a number of values, such as: having pride in doing a job well, reducing…

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When I am winning, WE are usually losing

“You can either be right, or you can be one, but you can’t be both”. Our mentors were talking to us about a frustrating argument, and we were both digging in.   They were right, of course, but we struggled to put it into practice. It would not be the last time either. Like just this…

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Protesting Against Disconnection

Have you ever had an argument and been left wondering what it was actually about? We can remember a number of occasions where we dug in and defended our opinion with great vigor, only to find ourselves twenty minutes later losing track of what we were defending. Somehow, the original point of disagreement – which…

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Relational Entropy and what to do about it

It’s the second law of thermodynamics and we use the term regularly in ordinary conversation. But what does entropy have to do with relationships?  Entropy is defined as “a process of degradation or running down, or a trend to disorder”. In thermodynamics, there’s this idea that in order to resist, or reverse, the effects of…

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Making the Wedding Vows Stick

It’s common for married couples celebrating a significant wedding anniversary to have a renewal of vows ceremony. The truth is, most couples in long-lasting marriages are renewing their vows a lot more often. Some time ago the Weekend Australian Magazine featured a couple who had just married on Bondi Beach. But it wasn’t their first…

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Attached – for better or worse

According to search analytics, one of our most popular blog posts explores attachment styles in marriage. That’s because our attachment style profoundly impacts the way we relate to each other. Incorporating insights from neuroplasticity, genetics and parental nurturing experiences, Attachment Theory illuminates underlying causes of disruptive relationship behaviours in marriage. It posits that the kind…

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A Little Restraint Goes a Long Way

It happens all the time – one of us does or says something and it triggers a harsh reaction. To break the habit of reactivity, try this mindfulness tool to develop the virtue of restraint. While often associated with Buddhist meditation, Mindfulness has in fact been a feature of many religions under different names, including…

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