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Knot Yet! #5: Responsibility Phobia
What comes first, maturity or the responsibility? In the world of adultescence, the absence of the necessity to be responsible, delays maturity. Most of us look back at adolesence and shiver – it’s a tough time developmentally when the young person is reaching for independence but doesn’t quite have the mental resources to cope with adulthood. Many…
Read MoreQuit Brooding!
Part 2 of It Takes One to Tango You are dissatisfied with your marriage. Your spouse may or may not share your disillusionment. Your spouse may or may not be willing to work with you towards a more loving, intimate connection. But without him/her, there’s not a lot you can do to improve your situation,…
Read MoreBe My Valen-time!
Insufficient time together is one of the biggest contributors to relationship breakdown. Whether our relationship is flying or sinking, time together is like a balm, healing the bumps and bruises of life and stimulating our feelings of affection and tenderness. And with Valentines’ Day approaching, it’s the perfect opportunity to give the gift of time.…
Read MoreThe Marriage Myth
Part 5 in the Quest for Happiness Series Too many times have we heard the complaint – “I’m just not happy in this marriage anymore”. For couples today, personal happiness has become the measure of whether a marriage is ‘working’. The mass media and our romantic fantasies conspire to convince us that we have a…
Read MoreWhat is Happiness Anyway?
Part 4 in the Quest for Happiness Series Speaking of what makes a wife or husband happy (see SmartLoving The Equality Myth, What Women Really Want & What do Men Want?) perhaps we should look at what happiness is and more importantly, whether it really is the ultimate goal. ‘Happiness’ should be distinguished from ‘joy’.…
Read MoreWhat Do Men Want?
Part 3 in the Quest for Happiness Series In all the discussions about what makes a wife happy (see Smart Loving What Women Really Want & The Equality Myth), it strikes us that the happiness of husbands is often overlooked. Actually, it’s rarely on the agenda. That in itself says something about us as a…
Read MoreWhat Women Really Want
Part 2 of the Quest for Happiness Series If equality in work isn’t the answer for making happy wives (see Smart Loving, The Equality Myth), what is? According to the same study that looked at the division of labour*, the best predictor of marital satisfaction among wives was emotional connection. ‘Emotion work’, as psychologists call…
Read MoreThe Equality Myth
Part 1 of the Quest for Happiness Series Inequality in the division of labour at home has long been a sore point for married women. In theory, the egalitarian model of the modern dual-income, shared-homemaking marriage should solve this problem; as women move into the paid workforce, men would assume more responsibility at home.Right? This…
Read MoreMarriage Enemy #1: Lethargy
We asked a marriage counselor friend of ours about why a marriage fails. We were expecting a long complex answer so we already had a bottle of wine open. Yet her answer was short. According to her, if there are no addictions or mental illness involved, then most marriages fail through simple, straight-forward laziness. Almost…
Read MoreSex: for pleasure or life-giving love?
From the so-called ‘articles’ in Playboy to public billboards, the social discussion on sex and its function is ever more obvious. The cultural view of sex is that it’s an activity. We talk about ‘doing it’ and ‘we did it’; an activity primarily done or performed. Moreover, the activity of sex is very clearly categorised…
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