It Takes One to Tango

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We’ve all heard the saying: it takes two to tango. But is it true that the only way to improve a marriage is if both husband and wife co-operate? Marriage is like a dance. If one spouse changes his or her steps, that changes the dance. The truth is, it only takes one spouse to…

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What’s in a name?

More than you might think When Adam was commissioned by God to name all the animals (Gen 2: 19-20), it established an important idea in Judeo-Christian tradition; being able to name a person or thing, brings that thing under the authority of the one doing the naming. The scriptures are rich in examples where names…

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Like Parent, Like Child

The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked…

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Natural Fertility is Just an App Away

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It’s now over 50 years since the publication of  Humanae Vitae – one of the more controversial Vatican documents in recent history. This letter, addressed to all Catholics, reaffirmed the Church’s opposition to the use of contraception. The document was published at a time (1968) when hormonal contraceptives were newly available. Catholic couples mostly used…

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Listening for true understanding

In our previous column, we made the point that marriage is like a contact sport, and that the ‘game’ is more fun, and certainly safer, when we both understand the rules of engagement. We outlined three rules for the Speaker and now we’d like to do the same for the Listener. In any intimate conversation,…

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Three Rules for Engagement

In our marriage seminars, we often say ‘Marriage is a contact sport’. But unlike other sports, in this game, the contestants are on the same team, or at least should be. Building a fulfilling marriage requires a strong sense of connection between us, a union that pervades all areas of our life: emotional, intellectual, spiritual,…

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From Bad Memories to Blessing

Some time back we were speaking with a divorced friend. As the conversation meandered along she recounted a memory from her marriage as it was going sour. It was a simple thing: a forgotten request for her birthday to pick up her favourite take away on the way home. As she recounted the story, there…

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Wrangling the Memory Factor

Our memories are a powerful influence on our present wellbeing. Good or bad, old or recent, our past experiences form us into who we are today and our memories reinforce it in the present. Memories impact our self-esteem, our emotional disposition, and our relational resilience. And they do this without us even needing to be…

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Fall in Love, stay in Love

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It was our thirtieth wedding anniversary last month. On the weekend before we took some much-needed time alone with a 24-hour escape into the city. Included in our itinerary was Reconciliation and Mass at St Patricks, Church Hill. Established in 1844, this historic church in the heart of the city was one of the earliest…

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Power and Passion

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Christians have a rather unusual perspective on passion. ‘Passion’ Sunday marks the beginning of Holy week and the holiest day in the Church calendar celebrates the ‘passion’ of our Lord. To the secular culture, passion is more about energetic living than about suffering and death. The dictionary offers the definition of passion as ‘a powerful…

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