Discern

For dating couples considering engagement

Before you get engaged, consider this...

One of the most critical decisions you will make in your life, is the decision to marry. Not only does it have life-long implications, the decision to marry sets in motion a series of events that carry you towards that commitment with considerable force.

Some of the really important questions that a discerning couple needs to ask include:

Am I ready to marry? Is my partner ready?

There's a measure of personal maturity that's needed in order to make the commitment to marriage, and there can be discrepancy in this between the two of you. Generally women are ready at younger ages than men which is why it's more common to see an older groom with a younger bride.

But it's not just about age. It's not uncommon to have one partner where marriage is very much in his or her sights, but for the other, it's not even on the horizon. Both of you need to be ready to make that commitment so it's important you explore your thoughts, hopes and fears about marriage before you take the next step.

Is my partner the right person for me to marry?

We all have differences in personality, values, interests or religious belief to name a few. Our differences can be a blessing but they can also be a challenge and some can present insurmountable obstacles to a couple's unity.

Attitudes to money, to sexual fidelity, how we raise our children... these can become massive issues that break the back of marriage if both spouses are diametrically opposed.

Before you decide to marry, explore these critical issues so that you can make an informed decision and plan how you will manage your differences.

Is our relationship ready for this next stage of commitment?

The emotions of being in love are very powerful and they can convince us that our love is invincible. Science has described the cocktail of biochemicals and hormones that create that feeling of euphoria and intense bonding we associate with falling in love. It's called limerence.

The experience powerful but it's like being intoxicated - it feels great, but it really does inhibit our capacity to think rationally.

Limerence eventually wears off allowing a couple to develop a more mature bond based on free and informed consent. Couples really want to be at the stage where they've made that transition into a mature love before deciding to marry.

And most importantly, what is God asking of me and of us?

God only ever wants our good, but often, we don't even consult God when it comes to our decisions.

Every marriage has a calling on it: God designed marriage to reveal the depths of his love for each individual person but also for all humankind.

It's tempting to think that the decision to marry is only about our own individual happiness but it's actually bigger than us. Whether a marriage flies or fails, it profoundly influences a couple's family, especially their children, but also the wider community.

Bringing God into our decisions helps us make better decisions and helps us follow through when it gets challenging. Discerning is actually a different process to decision-making, the principle difference being the presence of God.

Discerning invites God as a third voice into our relationship.

WHO'S IT FOR?

Committed Dating Couples

Need some help to think through the decision to get engaged?

Want to take your relationship to the next level?

SmartLoving Discern gives you a quality learning experience.

Anytime, Anywhere.

COURSE STRUCTURE

Online Learning at its best

SL Discern is the first 4 lessons of the SL Engaged course (9 lessons).

Each lesson takes approximately 1.5 hours to complete and includes individual and couple activities.

Work at your own pace, when it suits you!

The SL Family

Optional Extras

Join one of our free Q&A webinars for course participants or ask a question via our help centre.

Ask a mature couple or mentor in your network to be your Sponsor. We provide free support and resources for them through the SL Sponsor course

The Discern Track

Created in response to the feedback from couples, the course walks you through the first four lessons of SL Engaged. These lessons give you some foundational skills to dive deep into your relationship and explore each other's views and expectations. Additional content specifically for discerning couples is included.

Explore yourself, your relationship, your understanding of marriage and your hopes for your future, without the pressure of wedding day timelines.

Course Overview

Lesson 0 | Admin

Lesson 1 | Mission to Love

Lesson 2 | Dialogue: Being One

Lesson 3 | Knowing Me, Knowing You

Lesson 4 | Building Unity

Optional Upgrade | Lesson 5 - 9

Language Options

Although the course is written and filmed in English, the course videos have closed captions that have been translated into Polish and Spanish. The SmartLoving website is also Google Translate compatible making it accessible for those with hearing impairment and English-Second-Language speakers.

Enrol Now

...and get instant access

Only 1 enrolment is required per couple as you can log in from two devices.

SL Discern

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Purchase includes:

Access to FOUR online lessons from SL Engaged for two years
Access to exclusive member articles and extension activities
Additional content for Discerning couples via email
PDF download of the Workbook (optional print copy purchase)
Rights to upgrade to SL Engaged at difference in RRP

How it works

Using our online learning system, you and your partner work your way through the lessons at your own pace. Each lesson takes around 1.5 hours to complete and is broken into 5-6 short topics. Video, audio, closed captions and transcripts make the content accessible.
You'll need print copies of the workbook to get the most out of the course and you can either print these yourselves, or order workbooks from the eStore.
As you complete each lesson, we'll send you an email with tips and content specifically for couples in your situation.
If you have a trusted couple or mentor who can accompany you in your discernment journey, arrange to meet with them after each lesson to discuss what you have learned. We'll provide with them with notes and suggestions for their discussions with you.

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Testimonials

"I wish we had done our marriage preparation course before we got engaged - we learnt so much that would have made our wedding planning easier".

N and N

"I wish we had done the [Engaged] course earlier. It surfaced some issues that we needed to address."

M and M

"There were signs of trouble in our relationship from the beginning and I know now we should never have married. A relationship course when we were dating might have saved us from the disaster our marriage became."

Siobhan

What happens after the course?

Marry? Wait? or Separate?

In keeping with your uncertain (dating) marital status, the Discern Track gives you options.

You discern you're ready to marry → you can upgrade for the balance in cost to unlock the full SL Engaged experience.
You decide to wait a bit more → access the exclusive member articles to keep growing as a couple at no additional charge.
You discern to go your separate ways → you're equipped with relationship tools that you can take into your future relationships.

Do we need Workbooks?

The Workbooks contain all your couple activities, discussion questions, and quizzes. They are an integral part of the course where you record your reflections for sharing with your partner.

You have two options:

Download the PDF and print 2 copies at the beginning of the course (you only need Lessons 1-4, ~ 100pages), or
Order print copies (Lessons 1-9) from the eStore below.

Print Workbooks (pair) $65 AUD | $52 USD | £39 GBP | FREE shipping worldwide (Please allow 3 weeks for delivery).

Buy Workbooks here

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Gift Certificate

Know someone thinking about engagement and marriage? Give a gift that really makes a difference!

The SmartLoving Discern track is an effective way to support a couple in at that critical time of discernment.

Buy here

Coaching Available

Want some extra help? You can buy sessions with a SmartLoving coach at any time during your course.

Flexible interaction - Video-conference (standard) or email or phone if you prefer.

Quality assured - All coaches are trained and accredited by SmartLoving

Value for money - Buy a block of three and save

How it works

After you enrol, your SL Coach will make contact and arrange a time for your session. Meetings usually take place via video chat, but email or phone can be arranged if needed. If your coach lives locally, meetings can sometimes take place in-person. Coaching sessions must be redeemed within one year of purchase.

Purchase Coaching

Discern FAQs

Is this course suitable for us?

SmartLoving Discern is suitable for couples who have been dating for some time and are at a stage of considering engagement and marriage. Like our Engaged course (of which this course is a part), it caters for couples of all ages, experience and religious backgrounds.

If you are a long-distance couple, frequent traveler, shift worker, or have caring commitments, SmartLoving online courses are an ideal way for you to access high-quality, comprehensive and flexible content.

The material is timeless and even mature married couples find it valuable.

Will we get a certificate?

How long will this course take?

SmartLoving Discern has a total of four lessons that take a minimum of 1.5 hours each to complete, though many couples take advantage of the bonus content and spend additional time online and offline exploring the insights.

Course progression locks will prevent you from skipping lessons or progressing before you have spent a minimum of one hour in each lesson. Each lesson includes a quiz and you need 80% pass to unlock the next lesson. Quiz questions are available for preview in the Workbooks.

We recommend that you do one lesson per week so that you have time to practice the tools and complete all the activities.

You can work completely at your own pace, however, you can not do the course justice if you aim to complete it in less than a week. The material is comprehensive and really requires in between lesson time to use the tools in your daily life so that you experience the benefits.

So don't be too hasty! Couples who rush the course generally report lower satisfaction and rate the benefits of the course lower than those who take their time.

How is our progress assessed?

What do we need to do this course?

All you need is a computer/tablet/mobile device with high-speed internet access, the printed workbook and a pen.

SL Discern is a comprehensive course that uses the power of paper and digital media to guide you through interpersonal activities with your partner.

Your course comes with a digital PDF of the printed handouts with permission to print one each for you and your partner. It is available to download at Lesson 0: Admin as a complete set. Alternatively, you can order print copies of the workbook from the eStore.

Do we need to print the workbooks?

What's a Sponsor Couple?

A Sponsor is usually a married couple who accompanies you throughout the course and is available to you as a mentor.

You don't need a Sponsor Couple to complete the course as it is fully self-contained. However, a Sponsor couple will greatly improve your experience and provides you with ongoing encouragement.

Ideally, your Sponsor will be a couple with whom you have a natural affinity and from whom you can learn. If you want to recruit your own Sponsor Couple from among your networks we recommend the following criteria:

- Married at least five years, preferably with children.

- In a valid Catholic marriage, regularly attends church.

- Not a close relative or friend.

After you have asked a Sponsor couple to mentor you ask them to visit: www.smartloving.org/sponsor so that they can enroll in the Sponsor version of the course free of charge.

Help! My partner and I are stuck!

If you are having technical issues, contact us visit the Help Centre - often a solution will be available there. If the issue persists, contact us via our live chat or the Help Centre form and we will resolve it as soon as possible.

If you are having trouble understanding any of the lessons or tools try one of these:

Check the extension activities for more explanation.
If you have a Sponsor couple, speak to them at your next meeting or give them a call for advice.
Post your question in the comments (or contact us via the Help Centre) and we'll reply asap.

If you require therapeutic help, consult your Sponsors or your local parish for advice on finding a suitable professional. You can also purchase a session with a SL Coach.

How do we enrol?

You can enrol here.

When you enrol, you will create a username & password which will be your login to your account. You only need to purchase ONE enrolment per couple as the course should be completed together and you can access the online platform from two devices simultaneously if required.

If you wish to purchase print workbooks, you can add them to the cart before you go through the checkout.

Does my partner need a separate registration?

What if we fail a lesson quiz?

Don't worry! You can't fail the course and our goal is to equip you for success in your relationships so we're committed to seeing you flourish.

To progress through the course, you will need to get at least 80% in each quiz. The questions are straight forward and can be previewed in your workbooks.
We want to make sure that you've understood the concepts and applied the tools - that's why the 'pass' mark is 80% rather than 50%.
If you get under 80% our system will direct you to the sections you need to revisit. When you've done this, attempt the quiz again. When you get to 80% the next lesson will unlock and you can progress.
You can do the quiz as many times as needed.

What if we get interrupted?

Don't stress! If you haven't checked in for a while, our built in reminder system will send you a friendly email prompt.

While you may not have a 'due date' to make a decision on your relationship's future, we know from experience that couples who disconnect from the course, can find it difficult to get back into it.

We want you to get the best value from the course, so we'll be sure to send you a reminder if we haven't seen you for more than a week.

And your enrolment includes access for two years so you should have plenty of time to complete the course and revisit the lessons for a refresher if desired.

Is the course available in other languages?

The Discern course content and workbook is written in English however the course videos have closed captions that have been translated into Polish and Spanish. We are also working on creating closed captions in additional languages. If you would like to request a language, or can assist with translations please email [email protected].

The SmartLoving website is also compatible with Google Translate. For instructions on how to use the Google Translate extension within any SmartLoving course click here.

Haven't found the answer you're looking for?

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Discern

For dating couples considering engagement

Before you get engaged, consider this...

One of the most critical decisions you will make in your life, is the decision to marry. Not only does it have life-long implications, the decision to marry sets in motion a series of events that carry you towards that commitment with considerable force.

Some of the really important questions that a discerning couple needs to ask include:

WHO'S IT FOR?

COURSE STRUCTURE

The SL Family

The Discern Track

Explore yourself, your relationship, your understanding of marriage and your hopes for your future, without the pressure of wedding day timelines.

Course Overview

Language Options

Enrol Now

...and get instant access

SL Discern

Purchase includes:

How it works

Testimonials

What happens after the course?

Marry? Wait? or Separate?

Do we need Workbooks?

Gift Certificate

Coaching Available

How it works

Discern FAQs

Online Courses

SmartLoving

Ways to Give

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