SOS
Making the Connection…with Arguments
Neither of us likes it when we disagree, yet we’ve had more than a few in our 28 years of marriage – some of them leading to horrible arguments. When disagreements descend into arguments, they usually become hurtful and unproductive, leaving us feeling bitter and exhausted. But are arguments all bad, or always harmful? Many…
Read MoreQuit Brooding!
Part 2 of It Takes One to Tango You are dissatisfied with your marriage. Your spouse may or may not share your disillusionment. Your spouse may or may not be willing to work with you towards a more loving, intimate connection. But without him/her, there’s not a lot you can do to improve your situation,…
Read MoreWhat Women Really Want
Part 2 of the Quest for Happiness Series If equality in work isn’t the answer for making happy wives (see Smart Loving, The Equality Myth), what is? According to the same study that looked at the division of labour*, the best predictor of marital satisfaction among wives was emotional connection. ‘Emotion work’, as psychologists call…
Read MoreMarriage Enemy #1: Lethargy
We asked a marriage counselor friend of ours about why a marriage fails. We were expecting a long complex answer so we already had a bottle of wine open. Yet her answer was short. According to her, if there are no addictions or mental illness involved, then most marriages fail through simple, straight-forward laziness. Almost…
Read MoreHow Often Do Men Need to Have Sex?
Shaunti Feldhahn is an author and social researcher who specialises in marital relationships. In this article she responds to a question from a female reader about how often men need sex: “Even though I can go weeks or months and not miss it, he says he wants me to want it like he does.” Shaunti…
Read MoreHealing Emotional Injuries
If you have been emotionally injured in anyway, you can use this activity to process your experience. Full instructions are available on the PDF handout. Healing Process 1. Pray 2. Reflect Gratitude Strongest Emotion (L.I.F.E.) Your Desire 3. Watch the Forgiveness Film (Break Through) 4. Connect Unclutter Emotional Communion Forgive The Forgiveness Film (Break Through)
Read MoreOne Again
Adopt a structured Reconciliation Process Because you are not at your best when you have been hurt, it is wise to have a formal process that you have agreed on in advance. You can reconcile using the Stop-Reflect-Connect & L.I.F.E. tools together. Step 1: Stop! Separate. When you’re hurt, it’s easy to say hurtful things…
Read MoreName It & Tame It
Once you have named your formation, you are in a position to tame it – to consciously choose to reinforce that formation which is helpful and constructive, or to change the formation that is problematic for you. There are three common patterns of problem formation: Incompatible Expectations arise as a result of the differences in…
Read MoreReconciliation
Love means more tha saying “I’m sorry” Concept: Forgiveness Forgiveness is not an emotion. Forgiveness is a choice; a choice to let go of your resentment against your fiancé. Forgiveness is a vital step to the restoration of your unity. There’s a difference between the ‘I’ centred statement “I’m sorry”, and the other centred statement,…
Read MoreRestoring Unity
Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun set on your anger. Ephesians 4:26 Reconciliation and healing can be a great source of growth and grace in a couple’s relationship. Reconciliation teaches couples how to be more sensitive to the other’s feelings and needs and how to love the other more effectively.…
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