Conflict
Displacing Contempt with Respect
Want to give your marriage heart burn? Try treating each other with contempt. Contempt has been identified as a corrosive relationship pattern among couples headed for bust. An expression of despisal, contempt is the toxic cousin to criticism. Contempt is a devastating weapon when deployed by manipulative abusers, where the recipient is beaten down by…
Read MoreMaking a change for the better
Change is difficult. It can also be complicated. Despite our best intentions, sustained change often eludes us. We’ve had many spouses tell us that their husband or wife promised to change, and things were good for a while, but then there was a relapse. Their good intentions were not enough to sustain their energy for…
Read MorePerfectly Imperfect Marriages
Despite the promises of Hollywood and fairytales, the perfect marriage is the one that helps us grow the most. And that’s not likely to be a marriage without hardship or trouble. Yesterday, as we were preparing to run a training session later on, we had ‘one’. An argument of sorts. It was more like a ‘splat’…
Read MoreMarital Conflict Gone Global
When conflict arises in a marriage, it’s not uncommon for us to seek validation for being upset. So we look for ways to strengthen our case and justify our complaint against the other. If the issue has been building for a while, the temptation to globalise our complaint intensifies. Globalisation is a form of exaggeration.…
Read MoreCriticism: the not-so-silent killer
Criticism kills. It undermines our confidence and corrodes relationship trust. In relationship research, it is identified as one of four destructive relationship habits. We’ve all experienced the negative impact of criticism, especially from loved ones. Sadly, it’s been present in our marriage and family far too often. Most of our criticism originates in a complaint.…
Read More#17 Accompanying The Abandoned
When a marriage breaks down, it’s rarely by mutual agreement. More commonly, one spouse wants to leave and the other wants to rebuild. For the abandoned spouse, it is bewildering, traumatic and distressing. Yet the situation is complicated – both spouses are in pain. How can we, as a community and as individuals accompany the…
Read MoreSoftly Spoken Wins the Heart
“Honey, we need to talk!” Every spouse knows that what follows will be an uncomfortable conversation – one that will likely be bruising if not outright hurtful. Yet, having a difficult conversation is sometimes necessary. All couples need to be able to maturely address issues ranging from selfishness, neglect, or simple differences of opinion. So…
Read More#16 Frustrated Marriage
Frustration, disillusionment, irritation – it’s common for spouses to experience a variety of disappointments in marriage. From mild and temporary setbacks, to sustained desolation, spouses are often unsure how to get out of the marital funk. In this episode we explore some key ideas to ease the marital frustration and regain serenity. Guest: Byron Pirola…
Read MoreFrustrated Marriage
Frustrated in your marriage? Four ideas to ease the pain. Over the past decade, we’ve frequently had frustrated husbands or wives approach us for help. Their marriage was in trouble, but their spouse was unwilling, or unable, to participate in one of the marriage courses we offered. This led us to create the BreakThrough course…
Read MoreArguments: It’s All About Connection
No one likes being in an argument. Arguments stir up intense emotions and can leave us feeling misunderstood and wounded. Yet not all arguments are equal. Arguments mean different things in different circumstances. An argument is defined as a work of persuasion. We use arguments to convince others of our point of view. Well-thought arguments…
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