Cohabitation
Seven years – but who’s counting?
Some time ago, we were chatting with a man in his late twenties. He had been living with his girlfriend for some years, and she was restless: she wanted a commitment to marriage and family. After seven years together, he was still uncertain. In previous eras, the courtship sequence was simple: when a person was…
Read MoreCommitment
In his book, ‘The Power of Commitment‘, Scott Stanley (USA) provides some very useful insights into the nature of commitment. He identifies two types of relationship commitment: constraints and dedication. Constraint Commitment Constraint commitment refers to the ‘forces’ that resist the separation of a couple even when one or both partners would prefer to leave…
Read MoreCouples on probation!
Why cohabitation doesn’t work Don’t get us started…there are SO many reasons why cohabitation is a bad idea, we could go on for pages! In this post– we want to focus on one: the probation factor. In case you’re wondering, the evidence is quite clear: cohabitation doesn’t ‘divorce-proof’ a subsequent marriage – it actually increases…
Read MoreReality Check: Cohabitation
Cohabitation is a general term that refers to a number of different living arrangements. These comments refer to those couples who are both living together and also sexually active, (that is, they are not just sharing a residence as friends) and are not in a permanent alternative to marriage (de-facto relationship). Despite the widely held…
Read MoreThe One Flesh Union
It can be hard to get our heads around the amazing gift that Jesus made of himself by dying on the cross for our salvation. We are told that it was a personal sacrifice, that if we were the only one in need, he would have still gone through with it – his love for…
Read MoreCohabitation #5: A Trial Marriage?
Cohabitating couples are often defensive about their lifestyle insisting that they are just as committed as a married couple. We continue the discussion here in part 5 of this series. By definition, cohabitation is a limited, conditional commitment. It is an arrangement which is understood to be putting the relationship to the test. Partners wisely…
Read MoreCohabitation #3: Commitment Delay
What impact does cohabitation have on the stability of the future marriage? In this third part of the series looking at why divorce is around 50% higher for couples who previously cohabitated we look at the phenomenon of Commitment Delay. It is well known that the age at first marriage is getting older. Over the…
Read MoreCohabitation #2: Commitment Creep
Cultural wisdom dictates that couples are sensible to live together before committing to marriage. Research demonstrates that in fact, this practice undermines the future marriage rather than supports it. This is the second in a series on cohabitation myths. As couples become more involved, their living arrangements become increasingly entangled. Shared possessions, friends, pets…
Read MoreCohabitation #1: Partner Choice
While popular wisdom suggests that a period of cohabitation before marriage is a sensible decision to ascertain compatibility, most people are surprised to learn that the practice actually increases the likelihood of divorce by around 50%. Over the next few issues, we’ll outline a number of reasons why cohabitation is actually counter-productive for a relationship.…
Read MoreSmart Dating #2: Ask ‘Why’ before you Try
Sexual Compatibility Since the 1960’s the slogan ‘try before you buy’ became a common excuse for premarital sex. It’s still popular today and has underpinned the rise in cohabitation. We’ve been led to believe that ‘sexual compatibility’ is the most influential factor in a successful marriage. Of course when you think it through, the line…
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