What are Love Busters and Love Builders?


Love Builders: a behaviour or gesture which communicates love to you and helps you feel close and connected to your spouse.

Some Examples:

Cherishment

  • Caring for me, being tender and gentle with me
  • Being of service to me, doing things for me that I enjoy
  • Nurturing me, doting on me
  • Affirming my attractiveness
  • Being considerate and thoughtful, giving way to my preference
  • Being protective of me
  • Self-sacrificing to save me from an unpleasant task or reality
  • Listening to me, being interested in my inner life
  • Trusting me with your feelings and inner thoughts, being emotionally open
  • Being truthful and honest with me
  • Providing materially for me
  • Touching me affectionately, hugs and kisses

Respect

  • Expressing appreciation for me
  • Acknowledging the sacrifices I make for the sake of our future
  • Admiring me, especially in front of others (particularly my friends of the same sex)
  • Affirming my strength in body and character
  • Trusting my judgment
  • Allowing me to initiate and be the leader, being willing to follow me
  • Expressing your desire to be close to me sexually
  • Doing things together, recreational companionship
  • Taking care of your appearance, dressing to please me
  • Giving me time to do the things I like to do
  • Supporting me domestically, with house work, child care etc.
  • Showing an interest in the things that I value

Love Busters: a behaviour pattern or action which actively undermines your sense of being loved and destroys your trust in your spouse.

Some Examples:

  • Lying to me or withholding information from me
  • Breaking promises, being unreliable
  • Being emotionally distant or closed, withdrawing emotionally from me
  • Not consulting me when making decisions or disregarding my preferences
  • Conveying that I am just being ‘tolerated’, that my feelings are not important
  • Not talking with me, ignoring me or getting impatient with me when I’m talking
  • Organising me, making commitments for me without consultation
  • Criticising me, especially in the presence of ………..
  • ‘Servicing’ me sexually, not enjoying being physically close to me
  • Nagging me, reminding me of the things I said I’d do
  • Being indifferent to, or not noticing, the sacrifices I make for us
  • Letting your physical appearance go, dressing in unappealing ways
  • Teasing me, especially in front of ………….
  • Making negative judgments about me, jumping to conclusions about my motives
  • Not trusting that I love you or am committed to you
  • Not trusting my judgment, questioning my decisions
  • Not spending time with me doing things I enjoy
  • Spending a lot of time with your friends

 

Take your marriage to new levels of joy

2015-01-15T15:00:44+00:00

About the Author:

Francine & Byron Pirola
Francine & Byron Pirola are the founders and principal authors of the SmartLoving series. They are passionate about living Catholic marriage to the full and helping couples reach their marital potential. They have been married since 1988 and have five children. Their articles may be reproduced for non commercial purposes with appropriate acknowledgement and back links.

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