Smart Dating #5: The Raunch Woman
The Raunch Culture
A fascinating trend has emerged in the last decade or two. ‘The Raunch Culture’ refers to a subgroup of single women who dress seductively and drink and talk like ‘one of the boys’. Indiscriminate sexual availability, coarse language, feigned obsession with all matters sporting and revealing clothes are standard. While some women are genuinely partial to traditional male interests, for the Raunch Woman it is all about seduction – it’s rude and crude and driven by a the desire to out-compete her sisters in the mating game.
Not surprisingly, a lot of single men rather like the Raunch Woman; instead of nagging him about watching too much sport or drinking too much beer, she’ll join him. Nor will she resist his sexual desires. The problem is that, by and large, the (subconscious) motivation of the Raunch Woman is not to get laid, but to get wedded. Like most people, she seeks a loving, long-lasting relationship with a person who fulfils her need for intimacy. Unfortunately, the Raunch culture gives her neither intimacy nor security. In their stead she gets only lust and soulless sex.
While many men are quick to take advantage of the Raunch Woman, generally, she is not someone they aspire to marry. For a permanent partner, they’re looking for someone who hasn’t been around so much; like everyone else, they want to be the centre of someone’s affections, not just another body in long line of bed partners. Intuitively, a man knows that taking advantage of the vulnerable, raunchy woman debases his masculinity and profanes her femininity. Yet rather than reforming his predatory inclinations, his self-disgust more typically gets redirected towards her – the object of his temptation.
In a sad irony, her desperate attempts to secure love through raunchy availability leads men, not to value her but, to despise and reject her. The Raunch Woman deserves our compassion. She is operating out of a terrifying fear; the fear of isolation and abandonment.
Rather than standing in judgement, we do better to encourage an alternative dating culture, one that resists indiscriminate sexual availability and promotes in its place sexual integrity – the authentic and responsible use of sexuality. Only in such an environment can men and women truly flourish, becoming people capable of rich and fulfilling lives.