SL eNews September 2014

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From the Editors

This month we welcome Bernard Toutounji as a regular contributor and we look forward to many insightful articles from him in the future. This one on The Temperaments is always a discussion topic for couples…. so many of our marital frustrations can be resolved when we understand how our temperaments differ.

Enjoy!

Francine & Byron
Directors | Marriage Resource Centre

PS If you live in Australia, don’t forget to register for the Stronger Relationships Trial. You can use the government subsidy for a number of SmartLoving Courses.

https://smartloving.org/stronger-relationships-trial/

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Feature Article: 

By Bernard Toutounji

What Temperament Are You?

I remember when I was engaged to my now wife Jane, one of the biggest discoveries I had to process was learning that she was an introvert. We were at a social function with people we both knew well and it came up that she would be happy to leave at any time. We hadn’t really been there that long and I would have been happy to whittle away the rest of the afternoon amongst friends, so I found myself being rather surprised at the whole turn of events. Actually surprised doesn’t describe it well enough, I was shocked! After all these were close friends!

Now if I was an introvert myself, I likely would have realised this fact about Jane a lot sooner, but extroverts (or at least this one) seem to be more likely to be completely oblivious to the fact that some people are just not like them. Whereas the extrovert in me was energised by being around family and friends, introverts need to be alone to recharge because socialising wears them out. It’s not that introverts are shy – they can be the life of the party – it’s just that they’ll need some quiet time to recover from that party.

This discovery led me to look further into personality types and I came across the temperaments, which are the aspects of an individual’s personality that are related to behavior and reaction. Our temperament is something we are born with and while it is molded through our choices and experiences, it is never completely erased. While a person is not the sum of their temperament, understanding the temperaments can lend us a vast insight into ourselves and those around us. In understanding the temperaments I came to understand that it wasn’t just that those who were not like me were strange, but rather their strengths and weaknesses were different.

It was Hippocrates, five centuries before Christ, who is thought to have turned the basic theory of temperament into a medical theory so the names of the four temperaments actually stem from various internal fluids around the liver, heart, lungs and kidneys. The temperaments are a key to unlocking the mystery of ourselves, those we love and those whom we exist with at work and at rest.

Sanguine – If you are fun-loving, enthusiastic and sociable then this temperament may be yours. The sanguine is extroverted, adventurous and never seems to run out of energy. Optimistic and not a grudge holder the sanguine is an all-round people person.

Choleric – The choleric is the person who gets the job done…and fast. This temperament has an energy that is ready to overcome any opposition and seems ever confident. Cholerics are born leaders who can think independently and live a disciplined life.

Melancholic – Idealistic, reflective and serious are the traits of the Melancholic person. These are often the sort of people who have become great writers, composers and artists. They might take some time to form friendships but once they do they are very faithful.

Phlegmatic – If you know someone who is diplomatic, patient and calm under pressure then chances are they are have a phlegmatic temperament. The phlegmatic is a peacemaker who more than anything abhors conflict and confrontation.

Most people are a mix of two primary temperaments and there are a host of online temperament tests that can help you discover more about who you are (although you can likely already take a guess from the quick descriptions above). One of the better books I’ve read on the subject is ‘The Temperament God gave you’ by Art & Laraine Bennet. It’s certainly worth putting on your wish list for next Christmas.

Due to my own choleric/melancholic temperament it took Jane a while to understand that I had a tendency to whip out my phone mid conversation with her, to call the person that we were discussing needed to be contacted for whatever reason. Alternatively it has taken me a while to understand that Jane is never going to do anything like that because a phlegmatic/melancholic such as herself, needs time to plan and phrase the appropriate questions and then build up the courage to dial the number and engage in the conversation.

The aphorism “know thyself” was inscribed on the forecourt of the temple of Apollo at Delphi in Ancient Greece. It was and still is a reminder that without knowing who we are we have little hope of really truly knowing much else. The temperaments certainly provide us with a place to begin that study.

Bernard Toutounji writes at www.foolishwisdom.com


BreakThrough – Overcoming Relationship Gridlock

Luddenham
The BreakThrough Workshop focuses on debunking myths about marriage and providing information helpful to those in stressed or ‘gridlocked’ marriages. We have been delighted to receive overwhelming responses from participants on the content and practical strategies provided.

If you would like to host an event in their parish or would like further information, you can call our office on 02 9319 6280.


From the blog

The Rules of Engagement | Yes, I know, I’ve only been engaged for two weeks. Two weeks and four days, actually, and yes, I am counting.

A Marriage to Remember | In 2009, at the age of 61, she was told that she had early-onset Alzheimer’s disease

My Partner Hates My Job! | Finding a balance between work and relationships is a challenge for everyone, but what if you and your partner disagree on what the balance is?

What Temperament Are You? | The temperaments are a key to unlocking the mystery of ourselves, those we love and those whom we exist with at work and at rest

My Many Marriages to the Same Person | Byron and Francine Pirola talk about their marriage being reinvigorated during certain part of their lives, when the transitioning between newlyweds and parents, through to challenges such as a death in the family.

How Porn Kills Great Sex in Marriage | Porn offers the promise of a quick fix. But really great sex requires an intimate investment, and the rewards of intimacy have built-in multipliers. That’s right, real intimacy has a plural impact on a marital relationship.

Love Needs and Busters | Most of us start out as self-centred individuals and suddenly find ourselves caring more about someone else’s happiness than we do our own

Save a marriage for $200 | This month the Australian Federal Government’s pilot ‘relationship voucher scheme’ has come into effect. Here is an insight into how this trial will benefit Australian’s and their economy.

 


Radio Spots

Tune in to Wollongong’s weekly Catholic radio show, The Journey on Pulse 94.1FM every Sunday from 11am, to hear a variety of Catholic speakers including Fran & Byron Pirola.

Or, listen to their individual 2 minute podcasts for their bite sized pieces of weekly wisdom.


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SmartLoving @ Home

A series of DIY sessions you can use at home or in a small group. For less than the cost of a cup of coffee, you can download the file at the time of purchase and use the material on your computer, mobile device or make a print copy.

SL@Home Grateful

Grateful | When gratitude is present in a marriage, the couple’s good humour and welcoming generosity make their homes places of hospitality and warmth for all their visitors.

Responsible Honesty | It’s more than not telling lies; in marriage it requires an willingness to share deeply and vulnerably.

Sexuality as Gift | Learning to appreciate our sexuality and build the sexual atmosphere between us.

The Ambitious Couple | What is the role of ambition in marriage?

Hear Me Know Me | It is often said that we cannot love what we do not know.


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2014-09-08T14:25:44+00:00

About the Author:

Francine & Byron Pirola
Francine & Byron Pirola are the founders and principal authors of the SmartLoving series. They are passionate about living Catholic marriage to the full and helping couples reach their marital potential. They have been married since 1988 and have five children. Their articles may be reproduced for non commercial purposes with appropriate acknowledgement and back links.

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